Wendel Abel
SO YESTERDAY was St. Valentine's Day. How was it? Did you have a great time? I hope you did. How is your relationship? Is it characterised by pain? Are you feeling empty and unloved? Do you feel that your relationship is not going anywhere?
Here are some tips to put some life in your relationship. The ABCs to make your relationship better, happier and more fulfilling.
1 - Accept the other person as he or she is. Everyone enters relationships with weaknesses and faults. Do not try to change the other person. Remember, we can only change ourselves.
2 - Be open to criticisms and suggestions. It is important to recognise that we all have our weaknesses, limitations, failings and faults. No one is perfect. Sometimes, these weaknesses and faults may be more acceptable to another person but your current partner may have difficulty dealing with them.
3 - Compromise: We all must be prepared to give and take. It must not and cannot be on your terms alone. Always work through your difficulties and problems in the spirit of compromise. Sometimes, it may be necessary to seek professional advice and guidance if you are having major problems.
4 - Do find time: You must find quality time for each other. Many persons sometimes feel that all that is important is to be a good provider - to provide a comfortable home, to purchase that car for your partner or to shower the other person with gifts. The material things are important but we all need to spend quality time with each other. Quality time to communicate, to share each other needs, emotions and recreation. Also, quality time for sex and to share desires, dreams and aspirations.
5 - Express your emotions and your needs: We all have needs and desires. Although we would like our partners to be able to automatically assume our needs this may not necessarily happen. Some persons are very good at assuming your needs. Many times we give off mixed signals and although the other person would genuinely like to meet your needs we leave them confused. Develop a spirit in your relationship where each person is able to state his or her needs. Express your needs honestly, listen carefully and be non-judgemental.
6 - Fun, friends and forgiveness: We all need to have fun, we have a need to be happy and we all need friends. Find time to have fun. Sit and discuss the things that make you happy. Both of you should try to work to make each other happy. Friends are also important. No one person can meet all your needs and you should not expect that one person should meet all your needs. Good friends will enhance your relationship as they will provide emotional and spiritual support.
7 - Go for you happiness: Yes, we all deserve to be happy. The old fairytale tells you that you will fall in love and automatically become happy, but you have to assume responsibility for your happiness. You have to assume responsibility for your life and you have to commit yourself to making your relationship work. Things will not change unless you change. Learn to love yourself and find your centre. It is hard for someone to love you if you have not learnt to love yourself.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
