Ivret WilliamsInability to reproduce should not break relationships
Dear Counsellor:
This is my first time ever really, talking about this matter to a professional person like you. I have spoken to friends about the issue but they cannot see eye to eye with me on this issue.
I am an open-minded person who is able to take on challenges that will face us on a day-to-day basis. This is the issue I need you to address for me. Many persons enter relationship with the concept that they must have children and when they find out that either party cannot reproduce, the problems begin and fingerpointing on who is to be blamed.
I have come to realise that even sometimes when they go to a doctor and do all the tests and everything comes back negative, many women still do not get pregnant.
This type of situation breaks up some relationships and you would want to wonder what draws these two people together if it is not love.
We need to let them be aware that a relationship is not all about wanting to get children, it is much more than that. It is about two people loving each other and irrespective of what happens they still remain in love.
Please address this matter for me because there are persons who are starting a relationship with the intention of getting married and starting a family but it may not turn out the way they want.
Douglas
Dear Douglas:
Many thanks for your letter. When persons marry, it becomes a natural progression to expect children to follow. Fortunately or unfortunately many marriages do not go according to script and end up in the divorce court when children are not forthcoming.
This is why pre-marital counselling is so important. This is the time when all these issues can be dealt with openly in the presence of a trained third party. Granted there are persons who will, during courtship and premarital counselling, convince the other party that if there are no children of the union this is quite okay with them, until reality sets and they will blame the other party and go outside the union to get a child.
One must admit that the presence of a child in the home adds to the feeling of family.
However, I do not think that a child makes a marriage or the absence of a child breaks a
marriage.
The state of a marriage is dependent on the level of commitment that persons have for each other. I am in total agreement with you that the marital covenant should not be broken if children are not forthcoming.
All this guy wants is sex, he gives nothing!
Dear Counsellor:
I met a guy about three months ago. He is a good companion and an intelligent guy. My concern is that he has never asked me out on an official date. No movies, no dinner nor has he ever given me a gift or anything. All he does is ask to see me and then he wants to take me to his house for sex.
The last time I was at his house I had to ask him for something to drink. All he was interested in was to kiss and make out and tried to undress me. He told me he loves me but I refuse to believe because I don't see any fruits of his love. What is your response to this?
Shelly
Dear Shelly:
There seems to be a hint of confusion in your mind with respect to the relationship. Could the confusion be caused by the fact that you are flattered by the 'sexual' attention you are getting from this guy because he is intelligent and a 'good companion' even though something is telling you that there is something wrong with your present arrangement?
You obviously have a concept of how a woman should be treated which is totally different from the one this guy has. Shelly, let us talk.
What makes you say he is a 'good companion' if he has never taken you out on a date? Obviously being a good companion only lends itself to his bedroom. Is he ashamed to be seen with you in public?
If you do not believe that he loves you, why under God's heaven are you still in this relationship? Girl, cut your losses and move on. If you don't, after a while he will become bored when he realises that you have nothing to offer. Good luck in your next relationship.
Email Ivret Williams at:
letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com.
