Yvonnie Bailey- DavidsonDear Counsellor:
I have an adolescent son who spends most of his time listening to music and hanging out with friends. I feel he should be more productively
occupied.
Mary
Dear Mary:
Parenting an adolescent is a challenging but rewarding experience. Adolescence is the time of rapid growth, development and independence. Adolescents like to be in the company of their peers. There is a bonding and togetherness with their friends. With this group approach, they wear the same colours and design in clothing, speak the same language and visit the same places. If the adolescents are involved in safe activities then the group will stay out of trouble.
Adolescence is a time when an individual is experimenting with various issues. They are testing the limits and discovering things for themselves. As they exercise their independence they will take on risky ventures, some in a foolhardy way. Although adolescents may be striving for independence, they still need guidance and direction. Their behaviours need to be observed to identify aberrant activities early.
Music is one of the pastimes of adolescents. Some will listen to spiritual music while others will prefer rap music. You should feel encouraged that you son spends time at home. Adolescents should have activities that occupy their time at home so that there are good reasons to encourage them being at home.
One of the tasks of adolescence is a search for spirituality - the purpose and meaning of life. Some become more involved in their church while others challenge the beliefs of their religion. Some adolescents may become cynical and skeptical and take unnecessary and unwarranted risks.
We should encourage adolescents to take part in community activities as well as volunteering. They will learn valuable skills and will be safely employed. They will have valuable experiences for their résumés when they are ready to apply for college or for a job. Educational activities should be in the forefront of your adolescent's time and should be encouraged strongly.
I am angry at my
bitter divorce
Dear Counsellor:
I am a 30-year-old divorcee with two young children, ages two and four years. I was given custody after a bitter dispute and the father is not involved in parenting the children. I am having problems dealing with my anger and frustration at the divorce and also being a single parent.
Jenny
Dear Jenny:
Divorce is the death of a relationship, the demise of a marriage. It is a bitter experience for the participants. In a divorce, most times the participants become bitter enemies and it's an all out war between the parties. All the past
disputes and conflicts are brought forward to be aired and revenged.
The revenge and reprisal that take place leave a lot of bitter memories, hurt feelings and disappointments. In a divorce, the participants forget the loving feelings that they had and only focus on winning the battle. This usually leaves members with a lot of anger and resentment.
You will need counselling to deal with your anger and hurt feelings. You can record your feelings in a diary on a daily basis to help you ventilate. Speaking with a trusted counsellor will help to bolster your coping mechanisms.
Parenting children can be challenging but rewarding. It is difficult for a single parent, especially when you have two small children. You need a lot of help to take care of yourself and the two young children. If you have close family and friends you can enlist their help. You can also send the children to pre-school and employ the services of a domestic worker to help you with the chores.
A surrogate father for the children is a good idea. If you are involved in your church you should be able to enlist the help of your church brothers and sisters. You can also network with the parents at the pre-school to build up your support system. Taking care of your health is of paramount importance.
Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson;El Shaddai Medical Centre, 9274824;
yvonniebd@hotmail.com
