HISTORICALLY, IN the Caribbean, we have used slapping, hitting and other forms of physical punishment as our first resort in maintaining discipline as parents.
Unfortunately, it has and can lead to abuse. While it should be noted that every parent who uses physical punishment is not abusing his/her child, research shows that it's not always the best form of discipline to use.
Director of Help for Parents in Kingston, Dr. Sharon Johnson notes that Caribbean parents often slap out of anger and frustration.
Because many parents cannot control and manage their anger healthily, those who work with children and advocate for them, do not recommend physical punishment, the counsellor notes.
Parents who use physical punishment on older children often end up resorting to 'brute force' which leads to physical fights between parents and children.
Parents don't always take these issues into consideration. Mothers and fathers also beat inadvisably for behaviours which are associated with the developmental process. This includes such instances as an eight-year-old forgetting to pack his bag or comb his hair, or an older child not telling us the truth we want to hear.
"We often slap in order to control the situation and our children. Slapping becomes spiteful and anger-driven," the counsellor notes.
OVERPOWERED, ANGERED
Instead of learning from the effort, the child is often left overpowered and angered. Some children can become vengeful and attempt to get back at parents in other ways. Some parents report that their children slap them back because it happens too frequently as the answer to every problem.
Discipline takes time, Dr. Johnson states."It takes energy and effort on the part of the parent and it must be intentional. Further, not every negative act on the part of a child needs physical punishment. There are other things which can be done.
More and more, even Caribbean parents are shying away from using physical discipline.
They are looking for other alternatives. Some of the reasons they give for not beating is because of the harsh treatment they received and do not wanting to give that same harsh treatment to their children.
These same parents often report that in some circumstances they resort to the same behaviour that their parents used on them.
If and when physical punishment is used on children, it should never be out of anger or frustration. Beating a child for these reasons is devaluing and abusive.
It is more useful for a parent to wait until they have calmed down or talked out their disappointment with another adult before they decide how they will punish a child.
ACTIONS
Many parents report deeply regretting the actions they take towards their children when they are in the heat of anger.
Children should know exactly why, before and after physical punishment is used. Children should be assured of the fact that a parent loves them before and after any kind of punishment is used.
The punishment should fit the 'crime'. It should not just be for everything that goes wrong. Punishment that takes a child by surprise, such as a beating in the middle of the night for forgetting to wash the dishes, can be seen as spiteful and does not enhance the relationship between parent and child.
Discipline should have a beginning and end and past misdemeanours should not be brought up over and over again. No punishment should leave bruises or marks on a child's body. Nor should a parent's words to a child during punishment scar a child emotionally.
Information provided by Dr. Sharon Johnson, Director of Help Parents in Kingston. Email hfp@tropicomltd.com
