Keisha Shakespeare-Blackmore, Staff Reporter
"I got your man and you can't do anything about it." Imagine hearing these hateful words from your best friend. Betrayal cuts deeper than any knife could.
Unfortunately, Mary, 27, found herself in such a predicament.
Mary andJane had been best friends for the past 10 years. They were like twins. "We did everything together, lunched every day, had the same goals, and when she got ill, a week later I would be too," recalled Mary sadly.
On the other hand, Mary and her boyfriend,Jake had been dating for the past four years. She was always there for him through thick and thin. "When he went to jail (twice), I was the one who took him food and went to court and buy him credit for his phone," noted Mary.
Last year, the "twins" became a trio, when Jake started going everywhere with the girls. And last February Jane broke up with her boyfriend. Also, around the same time everything started going downhill for the happy couple. Mary observed subtle changes in her best friend and her boyfriend. "One day I was on the phone with Jane and she told me to hold. She switched over but I still heard Jake on the other line while she told him she could not talk because I was on the other line," recalled Mary. Mary confronted her best friend who denied any wrongdoing with Jake.
CONTINUED BETRAYAL
Betrayals continued and before Mary knew it, her best friend had taken her boyfriend. She confessed that she had been in love with him for the same number of years that Mary had been dating him. They had even moved in together. After being stabbed in the back by Jane and Jake, they came running back to Mary for a shoulder to cry on. "A couple of weeks ago Jane called me crying. She asked me to tell Jake that her days of running around were over and it was just a phase because I was the only one he trusted."
Mary, being deceived, now finds it hard to trust men again. "I can't trust men because I believe they all have a hidden agenda," Mary said.
THE HEALING PROCESS
Sidney McGill, clinical sexologist said several steps must be taken to heal such as:
Seekimg counselling from a professional
First, let her just vent about both relationships; (with best friend and her boyfriend). Deal with both matters separately. Explore: nature of the relationships, how long have they have known and been friends with each other etc.
Usually the betrayed is angry, depressed and may consider self-mutilation. It is important that she does not take the blame for what happened.
Discuss the history of the relationships she shared with all parties. Find out if there were signs that things were not going too well.
Discuss her personal background; explore family relationships especially with male figures of the family.
Stay away from them but cling to others who will give moral support to resolve her problems.
It's important to continue your activities and career.
Avoid discussion about what happened especially with individuals who are related to both parties.
Explore long/short term goals and take the time to recognise there is so much more to life.
Start the forgiving process; after gaining a level of control, confront both parties together and have someone with you for support. Let them know how you feel about their deception.
Set boundaries for them, tell them not to call and give you space to move on.
