Melville Cooke
BEFORE MESSRS. Omar Davies and Audley Shaw really get to squabbling over the budget and holes therein, I believe I can save them both, Government and Opposition, the nation at large and certainly the makers of newsprint, as well as those who write the words which go thereon a great deal of trouble.
I, Melville Cooke, who got an Excellent (as in E) grade in A Level economics, have found the hole, or at least one of the more significant ones, in the Budget, the beginning of the drainpipe through which the money in the country disappears mysteriously, suddenly and forever.
It is, like the famed suction orifices in outer space, black and powerful. Money which gets caught in its maw never comes back. Unlike its more elevated counterpart, though, it is certainly visible to the naked eye. It is hirsute, as in hairy, said hair coming in multiple colours and various lengths.
FINISHED LOOK
And names like Kya Man, Afro, Kanekalon, going up to $450 a pack, with up to four packs (by my rough check) required for each female head that adds to the size of that hole in the budget. Added to that, literally and figuratively, are ends, running from about $950 per pack up, required for that finished look to a braided head.
Then added to the braids are the hairpieces, which are gleefully glued and sometimes subtly stuck on to the heads of the wearers, as well as the straight out wigs, which cover all.
These deep musings on the 'money o' of false hair did not come casually. I, of course, saw the flaunting of OPH (other people's hair) at parties, on the street, in offices, but the subject was brought closer home about two Saturdays ago when I spent about two hours helping my wife remove her OPH, unravelling the braids and then separating them from the natural crowning glory underneath.
This thing is not only taxing on the economy, it is hell on the forearms as well.
And how do we help stem the tide of money going into this hairy hole, deposits into which bear no interest? I do not suggest a head tax, as many are wont to levy at the drop of a hat.
Persuasion tops coercion every time.
DISCOUNT FOR OWN HAIR
So at entertainment events, women who are sporting only their own hair should be given a discount on entry, as well as on drinks. Ten per cent on entry and 15 on drinks should do nicely enough.
There would also be a special section marked 'MOH' (My Own Hair) in banks and government offices, where the ladies who qualify would be given seats and be assisted by a dedicated clerk, much like the senior citizen lines. From a half per cent shaved off loans to a half per cent more interest on deposits, with periodic checks for additions snuck on, there are many ways to persuade women that wearing their own hair benefits them.
And to top it off, there would be a free button for those who turn in their OPH to collection centres islandwide. Much like the 'lose weight, ask me how' buttons by those who cheerfully sport their newly-slimmed figures, they would read 'WOMANH' (Wearing Only My Natural Authentic Hair).
There is no need to quarrel, Messrs. Davies and Shaw. This hirsute hole can be plugged if we just make the hard decisions, grit our teeth and get to work.
Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.
