KELLY
THERE ARE many tastes as it relates to what guys look for in a woman. Character, personality, intelligence and all that intangible stuff.
For the dogs, however, how she looks is just as relevant and in particular, the height of the chest area and plumpness of the derrière.
Personally, I'm a face man, meaning a pretty face is good for me. She might be so thin that if she swallowed a grape she would look like she was pregnant or so fat that you can run laps around her and get tired. If her visage is beautiful, she has a redeeming quality.
However, for other more, carnivorous members of my gender, they go for plumpness of the place where babies milk comes from or the place you're using to sit while you read this.
'SHE MUST HAVE BUMPA'
"She must have bumpa," said a good friend of mine when asked what makes him drool. "No matter whether she ugly or pretty, she must have bumpa." Another force-ripe fellow added his two cents. "I would marry her just for them tatas," said another fellow in reference to a particular lady's 'twin peaks' that we were, I mean, he was, ogling.
Now, being a face man I've never truly understood the preference/obsession with breasts and butts (believe me, I have tried). So I consulted with the gentry to get some answers. I found four things.
No, ladies, a man who is obsessed with bottoms isn't more likely to become gay. The gentlemen we spoke to didn't say anything about putting the 'magic stick' anywhere near there; they simply like something to hold on to. (I hear grip is essential).
As for the breasts, well it might go back to the whole 'being-cared-by- mother' thing with breast milk and all that. Never adhered to that theory much; sounds too incestuous.
Both of these body parts can be considered too big; moderation please.
Some fellows can't even express why they prefer either. In fact, some usually fast-talking lads all of a sudden got tongue-tied! Strength of a woman indeed!
For all the flat-chested, low-reared women (and I know a few), never let the lack of physical, um, elevation get you down. Don't go taking chicken pills or getting silicone put in just to please the carnivorous male (some of us aren't that shallow or even worth the trouble). If you feel you'll be more comfortable physically and your confidence will grow, then go right ahead.
Your last resort? Guys like me who care neither for bust or butts! But if you're uglier than me, then you're on your own!
(Kelly is cognisant of the fact that he doesn't exactly look like Denzel Washington, OK?)
This one is not for the liberated among women!
Which do you prefer ?
WE (MEANING the people I work with) were curious about what men prefer; the bust or the cheeks south of the waistline?
*Names changed by request
TONY BUTTMAN
"I prefer butts. I can't explain it because I wasn't always into it. When I got a girlfriend with one, that changed. It can't be too big, but it can be too small."
DARYL PEAKS
"Has to be the breasts for me. If I can picture my head in them with a big grin on my face, then she scores high on my chart."
LORRY SIDEBOTTOM
"It all about the butt. I can't be with a woman who has a flat rear end. No way!"
PHILLIPE BUSTIERE
"I am basically a breast man. I like a woman with decent-size breasts. They mustn't be too big and out of hand but I don't like the flat chest either.
HUGO TITIAGA
"I prefer breasts. There's just something exotic about them. They're one of the first things you notice when you see a woman anyway, especially if they're big."
ENZO BUMPARONI
"Butt for me. She must have decent size around the back. When I'm hugging her, my hand must not be falling off."
Send feedback to daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com.
