Mel Cooke, Freelance Writer
Left: Dahlia Harris. Right: Christine Hewitt was last, starting out in a staid outfit before going down to tight, sexy gear.
THE WRITING on the wall of the 'yard' set up stage said 'Land Lawd, Not Lady' and there were no restrictions of supposedly ladylike behaviour at the month-end edition of Backyaad Crack-Up.
In fact, as the final performer Christine Hewitt, whose mostly real-life drama ended with motivation and an appeal for money to help with two elderly men's funeral expenses, put it, "Behave is a word that rich people use to keep poor people in them place and poor."
Before the laughs at the Constant Spring Road, St. Andrew, venue there was song from Michelle, her outfit all glitter, and dance from the Vibes Ihatas, as well as a 'dutty wine' contest that pitted age with timing against youth with energy. Age won, the audience going for the stocky Bam Bam.
There was a 'dutty wine' entry by Dahlia Harris when she was introduced by MC Joan Andrea Hutchinson - or, at least, its after-effects. "Me a sue Tony Matterhorn," said Harris, a green wig ending near a neck brace. "Me get mi lawyer, Churchill Neita. Him sey mi needed in de community. We don' win nutten."
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"A ooman time long time, a jus' de man dem we neva waan know bout it," she said, to laughter and applause. From comments on the power of Nanny and on Macka Diamond's Bun Him, Harris had the audience laughing. "Me glad Dahlia Harris no come, cause she cyaan talk whe she waan. Me deh ya fi talk up," the wigged alter-ego said.
Elva stepped out with tales of her friend Jubus, a roadside hairdresser ("She no have no running water but is arright, she have a gallon jug") who always has a dramatic story to tell - and believes wholeheartedly in THE STAR and the soaps.
Elva gave a hilarious description of the difference between how uptown and downtown women behave, the uptowner having problems being specific when she goes to the doctor with a "genital itch". Then there was the woman passing the gathering at the Jones Town Post Office doing a very dramatic scratch and telling her friend very loudly "We a go dung a Slipe Pen Road. We haffi sort out dis."
After the break, Granny jiggled ponderous fake breasts and bottom to hit songs, occasionally lifting a skirt hem.
Christine Hewitt was last, starting out in a staid outfit before going down to tight, sexy gear. "People no fi ask bout di young bway again. September a come a two year. That stale," she said. "If good man a put een good work yu haffi pay de man," she said to a huge response.
She deejayed "Him have de tender touch, so me buy him Von Dutch/de budget get low so me buy him Moschino," again to a strong response.
She was dismissive of men who do not look at her when she is all decked out ("Straight from Buff Bay me a come an' me no pass Flat Bridge"), described her current approach to sex ("Who come firs' win") and gave personal testimony to survival and telling all that they can make it.
"A no one set a people fi ave tings inna de country. Sintting deh deh fi yu," she said.
