Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson
Dear Counsellor:
I have a 15-year-old daughter who complains of depression. She hardly eats food or goes out with her friends. I am not aware of what is causing her to feel depressed. She doesn't want me to take her to the doctor. Her school performance is deteriorating and I am quite concerned.
Juliet
Dear Juliet:
It is correct to be concerned about your daughter. Depression is common among teenagers but they are unwilling to seek help. Depression can be a reaction to life problems and/or is a genetic predisposition. Friendships and peer group activities are part of the experience of being a teenager. Teenagers need to be accepted and affirmed by their peers. Some feel left out or that they have a problem that causes their peers to shun them. Their personal image is at stake and this causes them to focus on their personal appearance. If they develop acne or allergies this will cause them to be very self conscious and sensitive to the comments of others. Their body image is caught up in being beautiful and without blemishes. This preoccupation with appearance makes them susceptible to being depressed as they find issues difficult to cope with.
Boyfriends and dating are a part of teenage activities and broken hearts can be difficult to deal with. During the teenage years individuals are trying to find themselves. They are now into experimentation with various lifestyles and sometimes expose themselves to unrealistic situations or high risk activities.
You need to encourage your daughter to go to the doctor and discuss her concerns. You will need to emphasize that sadness and grief are parts of life and we all need help and support to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Family feud
Dear Counsellor:
I am from a large extended family. We gather at times to fellowship with one another but my problem however is that I don't get along with an aunt. This aunt is rather inflexible and a strict disciplinarian. She is always finding faults with whatever I do. My aunt is getting on in age and I would like to be on good terms with her.
Millicent
Dear Millicent:
Family has many issues but can be supportive in many ways. Family is the basic unit of society. It can provide financial, emotional and spiritual support for its members. It gives a sense of belonging and bolsters self-esteem. Family provides surrogate parents, foster care and care-giving. If there are many uncles and aunts, they can act as role models for the young ones. For example, if there are many teachers and doctors this provides heights for others to conquer. It can boost the esteem of its members and provide directions for the young. Family is beneficial to its members as the young support the old and the old support the young. Life is about problems and family can provide the building blocks and sustenance for its members.
Family like other things in life can be problematic for some people. Humans have deficits and differences. Therefore there can be conflict among its members. Your experience is not unique as sometimes people will disagree with each other. In coping with family members, we need to realise that problems will arise at times. Sometimes the problems are really gigantic and strain relationships. Family members can take sides with each other and a rift is formed. We need to repair bridges and relationships. We should strive for harmony and good feelings. As you said your aunt is getting old and you need to mend fences and hearts. That is good because some people develop abnormal grief reaction when someone with whom they had difficulty, dies. It is good to express feelings respectfully and tactfully as this will close the breaches in relationships.
Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson; El Shaddai Medical Centre; 927-4824; yvonniebd@hotmail.com
