Ivret Williams
Dear Counsellor:
Your Outlook magazine article "Men hurt too" hit my spot dead on. In fact, every word below SHORT-TERM SOLUTIONS is applicable to my personal situation. But what is this forgiveness? How do you do that? To me it is an unattainable, ethereal nicety that is unachievable. You may well want to take a look at real forgiveness showing how it can be achieved and what happens after this forgiveness. Keep up the good work.
- Claude
Dear Claude:
I must admit that it is not easy to forgive, especially if the offender shows no sign of remorse. I heard T. D. Jakes from the Potter's House say recently that the word 'exhale' in the Greek language means 'to forgive'. To exhale is to 'breathe out' and 'to forgive' is to mentally and emotionally rid oneself of an offense.
How can forgiveness be achieved? When someone has done us something offensive, many times the first thought that come to mind are how to repay the person for what they did. But as Mahatma Gandhi said, "an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind". Sometimes we feel no happiness in being forgiving, however 'to err is human but to forgive is divine'. To forgive means 'taking the
higher road'.
How to keep
the fire burning
Dear Counsellor:
I commend you on the work that you are doing. I would like you to answer the following questions.
Question 1. What is the real purpose of being in a relationship?
Question 2. How do you keep a relationship realistic and exciting?
Question 3. I was told that Christians have a special way of having sex, is it true?
Please give some advice and your views. Thank you for your help. I love reading your column on Saturday and Sunday. Keep on doing your
good job.
-Anna-Lee
Dear Anna-Lee
Re your first question: People enter relationships for different reasons. Some enter for sexual reasons, others for financial reasons, even emotional reasons. Let me add that both men and women enter relationships for the above reasons. A woman, who may be experiencing feelings of rejection, may enter a relationship to feel loved and accepted and a man may enter a relationship for sexual gratification. However, that aside I believe the real reason for being in a relationship goes back to Genesis 2:18 where God said that it not good for man to be alone, that He would make a help meet for him. So the real purpose of being in a relationship is to help and complete each other. Is it any wonder that the man is left-brained and the woman right-brained? His weakness is her strength and he is strong in the areas in which she is weak.
Your next question looks at how to keep a relationship realistic and exciting. To keep a relationship realistic is very important because there are times when couples may compare their relationships with someone who is of a different economic status. Each couple must be realistic and live within their economic status. To give a prescription on how to keep a relationship exciting Anna-Lee would not be that easy. We are all different personalities and what may excite one person may not excite another. It therefore becomes necessary for each couple to look at what they each enjoy and see how as a couple they can pool their creative skills to make their relationship exciting.
I do not know of Christians having a special way of having sex. There may be some persons in the church who may think of sex as 'dirty' and as such it may affect how they respond sexually.
Ivret Williams is a counselling pyschologist. Email: letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com
