Tony Deyal
PEOPLE WHO listen to country music have higher rates of suicide than people who do not.
This was the major finding of a 1992 research study published in the Journal of Social Forces by two Americans, Professor James Gundlach and Dr. Steven Stack.
I can relate to that. On December 31, 1992, what Trinidadians call Old Year's Night, I was living in Barbados and decided to go to a fête that included midnight champagne and breakfast saltfish.
Used to my calypso and soca, I carefully selected from among the various options available one that seemed more promising than most. It featured two bands, the Redmen and the Brothers.
FRUSTRATED WEST INDIAN
Having been a fan of the Merrymen, a Barbadian band, since Archie bucked them and a lot of other West Indians up, I assumed that the Redmen were cast in the same mould. They would buck me up enormously.
The Brothers were a lagniappe, icing on the calypso cake, and I would have a night to remember.
I did. Head already a bit bad, I was ready to hit the floor and shake a leg or two when the shockwave hit. The band started with Mamma Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys. I was hornswoggled.
Apart from praying that no West Indian mamma would let her babies grow up to be Redmen, I was ready to prove the suicide research right or initiate new work on homicides.
The Brothers turned out to be a band of eminent Barbadian siblings led by a journalist whose dream was to become a rock star.
I was neither country nor a little bit rock 'n' roll, just a frustrated West Indian in the wrong place at the wrong time.
CHANGED WITH THE TIMES
It is true that country music has changed with the times. Professor Gundlach told ABC Science Online, "The country music that we have today is not the same kind of country music that was related to suicide back when we did this. When we did that, there were songs like D-I-V-O-R-C-E," he added. "It was predominantly tears in the beer types of music." Country music today is peppier, Gundlach said.
That still does not change how some people react to it. Two music lovers were being held hostage and both were going to be shot. One of them was a country music lover and the other enjoyed all kinds of music.
Before they were shot, they were asked for one last request before they died.
The country music lover said, "I would like to listen to Achy Breaky Heart 50 times in a row." The other music lover's last request was, "Please, shoot me first."
The one thing significant about that particular dying wish is that it might be the only well-known line that is not a country song.
Gone are the days when My Rifle, My Pony and Me roamed the western cinema and music halls and Jim Reeves exhorted his alienated girlfriend to put her sweet lips a little closer to the phone and pretend they were together all alone, deliberately ignoring your friend there with you. He didn't go, but a lot of other aspects of country music did, especially the song titles.
GOOD, BAD TITLES
Here are some that I love: She Got The Gold Mine (I Got The Shaft), I Bought The Shoes That Just Walked Out On Me, Momma Get the Hammer (There a fly on Papa's Head), If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me and Walk Out Backward Slowly So Ill Think Youre Walking In.
There are some that are downright bizarre: Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye, (Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To Kill, I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy, Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed, You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly, I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling, You Stuck My Heart In An Old Tin Can, Shot It Off a Log and If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
There are other titles that I can't help liking:
I Got In At 2 With A10 And Woke Up At 10 With A2
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will (one every West Indian husband will empathise with)
UNFORGETTABLES
There are also the unforget-tables: I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better and I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
One even told the bartender, I Want A Beer As Cold As My Ex-Wife's Heart.
Then, there's Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? and Ever Since We Got That Waterbed, We've Been Slowly Drifting Apart.
I hope this trend never happens to Caribbean music.
I don't like the Jump Up and Wave but I would hate to hear RPB with something like She's Actin' Single I' m Drinking Doubles or My Wife Ran Away With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.
Better Rudder stick to Trini To The Bone than come out with, If You Cant Live Without Me, Why Arent You Dead Yet?
Tony Deyal was last seen agreeing with the cowboy that 'Beauty Is In The Eyes of the Beerholder' and the proposition, 'I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight'. However, that is what prompted the song, 'I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few'.
