Heather Little-White, Contributor 
A simple enough pleasure, surely, to have breakfast alone with one's husband, but how seldom married people in the midst of life achieve it.
Anne Marrow Lindbergh
WHEN EXECUTIVES take on a position in business, they want to succeed. However, very often, little consideration is given to the effects that position will have on personal relationships including marriages and family obligations which require special attention to be successful. The positions that some executives hold gravely affect the love lives of their spouses and may lead to compensatory actions to meet emotional needs and this may result in pain to all concerned.
Sarah, a 47 year-old housewife, believes that her husband, 53, who is climbing the executive ladder, will one day realise that there is little or no bond with his wife and three children, ages 15, 10 and 6. She says that Devonleaves for the office by 6:30 a.m. to get ahead of traffic and to be on time for a 7:00 a.m. meeting. "Many nights he returns home when we [wife and children] are gone to bed or if he comes home by 8:00 p.m., he barely makes it through dinner and falls asleep in his recliner."
She continues, "Saturday is a work day for trade visits and some part of Sunday is spent working on figures for a Monday morning meeting. Every holiday, we get to go to a hotel as a family but by this time the communication lines have almost closed. Sex for us is routine but there is no time to plan anything creative because my husband is consumed by work, so much that he has started to experience difficulty getting that erection. It leaves me frustrated at times but the children bring me lots of joy."
Certainly, there are other couples who share the same experience as Sarah and Devon. Husbands also complain about the wives who will not plan time for intimacy. According to Steve, "My wife will come home by 7:00 p.m. but there is always some urgent computer stuff for a meeting the next morning so I have to retire alone. When she finally comes into the bed, I am in a deep sleep and that's another sexless night."
Executives face the dilemma of balancing work and their private life. Earning huge salaries to provide all the creature comforts does not compensate for the personal interaction with spouse and children. Many marriages of persons in executive positions fail because of lack of communication as a couple. The partners involved are susceptible to boredom because the responsibilities of the executive leave very little time for quality time spent with the family.
Another reason why these marriages fail is that so much effort is spent on being the perfect couple for the 'social pages' and to be validated by the public that the irritating matters on the home front are never tackled.
An executive who has to travel may also be at risk for a trying marriage. Constant travel leads to lack of interest and the physical distance makes the spouse unavailable for physical interaction.
Psychological wounds from issues that may arise in the current union need healing to prevent brooding, pouting and blaming. Issues should be dealt with immediately and in an honest manner. Delaying discussion of the issue leads to frustration and also a fear of going home to something that is festering and could lead to discord.
Ken Druck, Ph.D., consulting psychologist, suggests 10 characteristics of a successful marriage for executives:
Safety: Executive couples should feel safe with each other, to be themselves as friends ought to be.
Planning: Take time to plan for quality times with spouse and family. Make a diary entry and treat it as a business appointment that cannot be missed.
Available energy: A successful marriage needs a certain type of energy to discuss family issues efficiently, distinct from the quick business briefings at the office.
Patience: It takes time for certain important family connections to take place within the home setting.
Unselfishness and mutuality: Team play and shared responsibilities, reversing roles when possible, is important to get to know each other and establish a healthy union as family.
Respect each other's differences: Compromise on the weaknesses and compensate with the strengths.
Take risks with honesty: To expose your honest feelings to your spouse is to risk your true self being ridiculed and rejected. However, in the long run it will be worth the while.
Having fun together: Spend time doing fun things of mutual interest to both partners and family members.
Passion: Make time for passionate interludes as this keeps up the mystique in the marriage despite the years of marriage.
Healing and forgiveness: Take time to listen and find out what a spouse will think when true feelings are expressed.
When marriage gets placed on the back burner because of business schedules, the executive should apply savvy business principles to add some sparkle to the marriage. It is said that in love there comes a time when reason and magic fail. At that time, both partners must take a leap of faith.
