Karen Blair, Features Writer
ALL COUPLES want the perfect wedding day. They dream about it. They plan for it and they hope and pray it's executed well. Nothing is wrong with wanting the most important day of your life to be perfect. By all means, it's yours and should go only as you want it to. However, many of us tend to put so much stress on and effort into planning for just a day that we forget what happens when that day ends.
It's simple. When your wedding day ends, your marriage begins. All too soon, we come to the realisation that the glamour and the glitz slowly fade away. The bouquets wilt, the family members and friends return home, the attendants cash their cheques and say bye and all you are left with is each other.
BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE
You now live with another person for the rest of your life; this other individual, whom you pledged to stick with, come what may.
It's not as scary as it sounds and can be a beautiful experience, but you must know how to approach your marriage and how to survive life after the wedding is over. Firstly, you need to know the facts.
FACT 1 - Research has shown that approximately 50 per cent of all first marriages end in divorce, and 20 per cent of those divorces occur in the first two years.
FACT 2 - Many divorces occur partly because couples are not prepared for marriage. Usually couples spend more time preparing for the wedding ceremony than for their marriage relationship.
FACT 3 - The earlier a couple identifies their strengths and differences and learn practical skills - talking, listening and conflict-resolving skills - for dealing collaboratively with life's issues, the better their chances are for building a satisfying, viable, and lasting relationship.
PATIENCE AND LOVE
Now that you know what problems can occur, how do you resolve them? There is no one true way of making your marriage work. It takes time, patience and love. However, there are key components of a good marriage that all couples need to know.
The first is communication. Communication isn't just exchanging information; it's sharing feelings, hurts, and joys.
That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life. But it's not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men.
FEELINGS
Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counsellor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives.
Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill - and it's often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.
Secondly commitment. Commitment means putting your spouse's needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met. You can't build a divorce-proof marriage and remain unbending toward your personal rights. That doesn't mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to the relationship supersedes your individual rights.
CONFLICT
Finally patience. When you put two people in the same house for an extended period of time, you will have conflict and annoyances. No two persons are alike and no one does something exactly like another. Therefore, you will begin to get annoyed at your spouse for leaving his socks in the living room or for leaving her make-up all over the bathroom sink.
However, you can't expect perfection and this is where your love for each other will be tested. You must be patient with each other and try to work around the things that annoy you. Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that's satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don't have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you're willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.
So while you do the last minute activities to ensure you have a beautiful wedding day, take time out to work on the little things needed for a long-lasting marriage.
