MICHAELWALKED into the hospital and told the doctors that he knew what could bring her blood pressure down. He fed his wife with large amounts of coconut water and cooked her vegetable-based meals himself. In a few days, the woman was well enough to go home.
Can your marriage survive illness and pain?
We have heard similar stories to Michael's where men become so familiar with the wife's illnesses and vice versa that they become better caregivers for them than even those who are medically trained.
But, what about when the source of the pain in your marriage is emotional and not due to a physical cause? Could your marriage survive that?
According to Kingston-based family counsellor George Ramocan some of the best friendships, indeed the best relationships, emerge from situations where people have been through problems together, but fewer and fewer people are staying long enough in a marriage to discover this.
"People who work through their problems and find a way to hang on and stay together experience better friendships and relationships than others who avoid problems and conflict."
The counsellor, drawing parallels between physical pain and emotional troubles, asks the question: "Does one take one's life because of a tooth ache? Why end your married life because one problem is causing pain?"
Pain indicates the need for correct medication, George Ramocan said, noting that "A very big pain for men is disrespect," and it is just one reason why some give up on marriage when persevering might have brought rewards.
It is his belief, he said, that in marriage, patience is an antidote to pain real or imagined.
"In other areas of life, we observe that those who succeed in business, in seeking an education and in their careers are those who are willing to face challenges or put up with trouble. In fact, they speak proudly of it, once they have overcome it.
"If in your own marriage you have nothing to boast of (having overcome) what a shame! What have you endured for your wife to show you great love?"
Go through the pain, the counsellor advises, as "You will be wiser and stronger and you will still have a partner. Endurance earns greater love."
LOVE IS KIND
According to George Ramocan, love is kind and not self-seeking: "It is not my way or the highway that's politics, not marriage."
Things that you do in marriage should be for the benefit of your spouse, not for your own comfort and gratification. "That's not love. When you are doing more and more things which are not for your personal comfort, you know you are doing what's right for your marriage."
He goes on to explain, the man who succeeds the man who makes money in business is he who finds out what the consumer really wants and uses this knowledge to build a product to satisfy the consumer not to satisfy himself. The bottom line for success-seeking individuals is service, not profit. Service, the counsellor said is not just sexual. "Service should be the fundamental objective of the husband and the wife."
Love, he said, is not easily angered. "If you are 'touchy' and easily upset, that is not love. Love covers a multitude of sins. It keeps no record of wrongs."
The counsellor notes, "The banana farmer says take care of the banana and the banana will take care of you. This is a workable formula for spouses."
He concludes that the longer people are married, the more likely they are to stick together. "You face trouble together and it breeds loyalty. Remaining in the marriage during hard times and tough times, hanging in there in spite of the pain, brings its own rewards."
Name changed on request.
Information taken from the Peace and Love in Marriage (PALM) Ministry series of the Church of God International. To reserve space in upcoming free seminars, call 866-5770, or email George Ramocan at palmministries@yahoo.com.
