WHILE BRIDES enjoy the glamour of the wedding event, shyness is a common experience during the honeymoon period to follow.
"The first couple of hours can be quite trying," notes St. Catherine-based counselling psychologist Faye Baker.
The term love-shyness was used by psychologist Brian G. Gilmartin to describe a specific type of severe chronic shyness. According to his definition, published in Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatments, love-shy people find it difficult to be assertive in informal situations involving potential romantic or sexual partners.
"It is not that men do not experience shyness, but it is more an issue for women," Baker states.
Both bride and groom might be affected by false beliefs and so counselling is the first strategy suggested as a source of help.
Baker notes, "It is generally a good advice for couples to seek counselling on sexual intimacy, especially in unions where one or both partners have little or no sexual experience.
"This is especially true for women who have to make a transition from a place where sex is strictly forbidden to where it is not only permitted but commanded since women can have difficulty believing that sex is alright.
"Additionally, counselling can help reduce women's fear of physical or emotional injury by insensitive mates. Help on shyness, sexual boundaries, what to do and what to expect can be secured from well chosen physicians, pre-marital counsellors or even well-written books on the subject.
TIPS SUGGESTED BY BAKER
Approach your first sexual experience with a positive attitude. Do not entertain thoughts that the experience is going to be a failure and that your partner is going to be upset as this can increase anxiety, frigidity and stress.
Visualising that you and your partner are going to have the most rewarding sexual experience can help to make it truly a night to remember. Vocalising honest, encouraging and tender words to each other can set the stage for a good romantic evening.
Choose the right time
While many couples can proceed with their first sexual experience upon entering their honeymoon suite, many others can be too tired and exhausted to proceed. In fact, research has shown that couples go ahead with sex relations on their wedding night just because they thought they were supposed to do so, and many experience disappointment and a relative failure, simply because they were exhausted physically.
In the same survey, some couples afterward remarked that if they had it to do it over again they would wait until the next day. Clear, honest communication and respect of feelings is vital in ensuring that couples choose the right time as there is no need to hurry.
Ensure complete privacy There must always be complete privacy during any sexual experience. It is important to have locked doors, drawn shades and reasonable assurance that there will be no interruptions. Privacy is especially necessary for the wife as it is very difficult for her to concentrate on her sexual arousal in a situation where her privacy is limited.
Start simple and build up Most first time sexual encounters are likely to cause some degree of anxiety or even stress, so it is important that couples start the process slow, allowing for confidence and arousal to build to the point where couples can enjoy the experience.
It is also worth bearing in mind that women need some time in making the transition from the point where sex is strictly forbidden to where it is permitted and expedient. In this context, brides are well advised that shyness is normal. However, shyness can be reduced or overcome by tips one and two above.
Don't expect perfection on the honeymoon night
According to Baker, "Couples should face the fact that complete sexual success on the wedding night is nearly impossible but this is nothing to worry about.
"It takes time to put information received in pre-marital counselling into effective practice. In marriage, couples will eventually experience mutual ecstasy, but this does not happen by accident.
"Rather, it will result from intelligent planning initiative, co-operation, understanding, practice and love combined with experience."
Information provided by counselling psychologist Arlene Faye Baker. Email fayebaker35@yahoo.com.
