Peter Espeut
"If it feels good do it! If it feels good do it! Do it! Do it! Do it 'till you're satisfied". "Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop 'till you get enough".
These are the words of two popular hit songs of a few years ago. The message is clear: give-in to your appetites, whatever you feel to do, whatever feels good. Immediate personal gratification!
I am a clergyman, but I do not intend here to advance a religious argument. The fact is that the stability and proper functioning of any society is predicated on its citizens being able to control themselves - quite the opposite of the message of the above songs.
No society can survive if its members go around giving in to their every urge. If I am hungry and feel for a patty, I cannot just put my hand into the warmer and take it. If I see a nice pair of shoes in a display window, I cannot just walk into the shop and take it.
If I see a sexy girl, I can't just go over and fondle her. If I like to watch, I can't just put boys and girls together and ogle them as they go at it, and shoot a video of it.
There are rules about how we deal with our desires for 'things'; some of these rules are codified into civil law, and to breach those is to risk punishment: robbery and theft is lack of restraint in wanting to possess things; rape and carnal abuse is lack of restraint with respect to our sexual appetites.
And then there are other penalties: obesity and drunkenness show lack of restraint with food and drink; teenage pregnancies, HIV/AIDS and other STDs stem from sexual lifestyles outside faithful relationships.
One of my brother deacons puts it well: "It is not every time you itch that you mus' scratch."
Soldiers on parade have to learn that. Self-control and discipline are the same thing. The struggle for maturity is a struggle for discipline and self-control.
Built into our make-up are chemicals which trigger a range of 'cravings' in our heads and our bodies which we call 'appetites', and we have appetites for food and drink and sex and all sorts of other nice things. The too-fleeting feelings of 'pleasure' we obtain while we perform our bodily functions are also chemically-induced.
The process by which we come to maturity involves being conscious of these chemically-induced cravings, and learning to deal with them, to resist them, to control them, to channel them.
The main difference between humans and other animals is that we can think; we can stand back and reflect on ourselves, on the feelings we feel. It is in using our brains and our minds that makes us real men and women, not in doing what dogs and donkeys do.
Some people never mature, and live on the edge of their appetites. One can be a successful lawyer or clergyman or politician and still be immature - out of control with one or more of our appetites.
The trouble is that in Jamaica, self-control of our sexual appetite is not highly valued; in fact, the opposite is true: out-of-control men who shark down females of all ages to take them to bed - and who father numbers of children - are awarded higher status than men who marry and are faithful to their wives for the rest of their lives.
The values which make our social fabric stronger - including sexual mores - need to be identified and encouraged. It will require behavioural change and self-control - right across the society: If only we would conserve water and electricity, dispose of our garbage properly, keep our fingers out of the till, and keep our pants up and our skirts down, Jamaica would be a better (and a wealthier place) to live.
One of my brother deacon puts it well: 'It's not every time you itch that you mus' scratch.'
Peter Espeut is a sociologist, and a Roman Catholic deacon serving in rural St. Catherine.
