Denise Sautters, Contributor
When Krista Damiano saw the note from her husband on the door, she knew what transpired earlier that January 2005 day.
"I lost the love of my life," she said. "He called me earlier, at work, and told me he couldn't take his life anymore. I could tell by the tone of his voice that it wasn't good, but I told him to take a nap, that I would be home as soon as possible. We had plans that night to go out that night."
When she got home, the note on the door said, "Please call 911. I'm so sorry."
More than statistics
In 2005, there were 30 suicides in Ohio's Stark County, said Carole Vesely, the community education-volunteer manager for the Crisis Intervention Centre. David J. Damiano was one of them. So was Carl H. Walther. Both men left behind their wives, family and friends. Damiano suffered from depression. Walther was depressed and paranoid.
"Carl assured me he wouldn't do this," said his widow, Amy. She said that on the day last summer that he committed suicide he was very agitated but he kept promising her that he would not take his own life.
"He must have been so desperate that day," she said.
Walther was afraid of everything, especially for his family, said his wife. "He left me a note, 'Amy, I love you, Carl'," said Amy. Her husband died the day before their 28th anniversary, two weeks before his 53rd birthday. The message was written on a Post-it note.
Seeking help
In both cases, the men sought help through doctors, medications and counselling, but in the end, it didn't matter.
The first response to a suicide by immediate family members, say the Walthers and Damiano, is asking themselves what they could have done to prevent it. Although suicide is preventable, said Vesely, you have to know the warning signs, such as the person's not being able to make decisions, not sleeping, or not being able to think clearly.
"I realise now, that it was not my fault. It was his mind," Amy said. "Going to the support group helped me." The support group of which she speaks is the Survivors of Suicide Group sponsored by the Crisis Intervention Centre.
Danger signs
The loss of a loved one by suicide is often shocking, painful and unexpected, according to the American Association of Suicidology in Washington, D.C., an education and resource organisation. The association offers some facts about suicide:
Most suicidal individuals desperately want to live; they are just unable to see alternatives to their problems.
Most suicidal individuals give definite warnings of their suicidal intentions but other people are unaware of or do not know how to respond to them.
Suicide is higher among the elderly (older than 65) than any other age group.
Four times as many men kill themselves compared to women, yet three times as many women as men attempt suicide.
If someone you know is threatening suicide:
Talk openly about suicide.
Be willing to listen and allow for expression of feelings.
Be non-judgemental.
Offer hope that alternatives are available.
Get help from individuals or agencies.
Warning signs of acute risk include:
Threatening to hurt or kill him or herself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill himself or herself.
Looking for ways to kill him or herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means.
How to help people whose loved ones have committed suicide:
Be a friend. Listen without judgment, criticism or prejudice to what the survivor is saying.
Ask how you can help.
Be patient. Repetition is part of healing, and as such, you might hear the same story multiple times.
Source: www.suicidology.com © Copley News Service, www.copleynews.com.
