KELLY

This is the danger with giving a (somewhat) mentally disturbed young man a column because he can use it to chant fire on whom he pleases!

I recently started learning to drive and quite frankly, at times, I feel it would be better to be a lion tamer in a cage filled with wild animals who haven't eaten in days because I think that would be less nerve-wracking! During one lesson, my instructor asked me to pull over to the side, then got out of the vehicle to make sure the 'L' was still on the back! He couldn't believe that these 'seasoned drivers' were driving like a bunch of people who desperately need lessons!

Now, I am not who you would consider a 'cool' person (notice photo that goes with column). I get flustered fairly easily, depending on the situation. So I consider it a minor miracle that I haven't yet told any of these drivers (some of them women), trying to run me off the road, about their mothers or any other female relatives they may or may not have. But a man can only take so much!

I have long since realised that Jamaicans have short memories. Half of these (insert expletive in this space) drivers obviously have amnesia about the time they were learning the not-so-easy-skill of driving. I guess they were mini-geniuses who got it right the first time they went behind the wheel and us lesser mortals are just in their way! They honk, curse, belittle and totally make your lesson as uncomfortable as possible.

But then again, judging by the improper overtaking, reckless speeding and non-adherence to road signals, most of them probably bought the darn license! Test? Yeah right. Some of them can't even read! An instructor does not know what the pathetic bums look like but they're trying to hassle me while I'm trying to do things the right way? You all should get out of my way; not the other way around!

OK, calm down lad!

There I feel better now. Now there are three possible outcomes to this whole thing.

One, I finally get fed up and go serial killer on drivers who have got under my skin!

Two, I say to hell with driving and take taxis all my life or:

Three, I complete my lessons, do my test, pass it (no matter how long it takes to get it done) and buy myself a little put-put to take me around.

All I say to those who know they are impatient drivers, beware! They joke that the "L" stands for lunatic. In my case, you have no idea!