Would you marry a man you don't consider your equal? We put that question to our readers in our Push my Button
question for September and they have been responding with mixed views. Many, however, looked at equality only in terms of money - the loaded, but loathsome man and the woman willing to look past that - for marriage. However, to us it goes beyond money. We feel that other factors including
education, compatibility and status could be examined when trying to define equality. But it is all relative, isn't it? So read the views
expressed
I would not!I would not marry a man that I do not consider my equal because he would not have any love and respect for me.
Marriage is about compatibility, sacrificing, relationship, respect, affection, trustworthiness, admiration, complementing, consideration, loyalty, friendship, commitment, equality, unity, meekness, patience, companionship, comprehension, sharing, caring, graciousness, mercifulness, communication and open-mindedness. It is a reflection of God's character, sanctified by God and is a blessing from God.
Some people who do not marry their equal are either emotionally uncertain, emotionally insecure, emotionally unstable or have a low self-esteem about themselves and life in general.
Not everyone is ready for marriage. Some people do well living the single life. There is nothing wrong with being single. It just means that you are not ready to make the long-term mental, social, emotional, spiritual and physical commitment that takes place in marriage. You are still precious
and special in God's eyes and are a blessing, whether to God and those around you.
- Stacey Hawthorne
As long as they have money
I am a 45-year-old male but anyway, I'm tempted to say something on this question. If the person is not your equal, (in my opinion) that is incompatibility, or having very little in common. However, some persons are willing to marry others they do not consider their equal, because they love them. Others will not, because these persons may not have had a good education; they have low self-esteem, or are suffering from inferiority complex.
My personal opinion is that a woman should marry any man - rich or poor, as long as he is ambitious, clean and tidy, honest and sincere; as long as he is not a thief or a liar.
Best qualification
I believe also that a woman should be willing to marry a man with the 'best qualification'. And that best qualification is: Being a true servant of God.
From a biblical standpoint, and according to Galatians 3:28, we are all one flesh, one blood. We may be different in appearances, but physically, we are one. Nobody is better than anybody else. We are all one in the sight of God.
There are some women, how-ever, who, although they refuse to marry a man they claim to be unequal to them in terms of education, will readily accept him if he has money.
The determining factor here is not inequality, but money. Because, according to them, money run things. And it takes cash to care. Unconditional love is therefore a thing of the past. It's what they can get and give. It's a bargain.
To underscore my point, I think 90 per cent of the ladies (nowadays) would marry men who they do not consider to be equal to them, as long as these men have money.
- Donald McKoy, Greendale, Spanish Town,
St. Catherine
Not a good idea
It is not advisable to marry someone with whom you are not equal especially with regards to the same basic principles, morals and values.
- Hope Markes, Tamarind Hill, Hanover
Money is not all
Come on ladies, how can you be with a man just because he has money? There must be something more besides his money.
Are you saying you would be with a guy despite the fact that he is Hideous Harry? (No offence to any Harry who may be reading this article). A woman cannot be truly happy if she is with a man only for his money. You may be wondering who gave me authority on this subject. Well, my friends, I've been there, done that, and believe me, money isn't all. When his money runs out, what happens to the relationship? Will you still be there? When his dirty ways get to you and all his women start calling you and telling you to leave their man alone because they too are after his money, where will that leave you? Will you still be with him?
Many persons driving up and down in their Escalades or BMWs got it by doing many dirty, illegal jobs. Would you want to be caught at the wrong time with him when his homies discover he ripped them off for a few millions and now want their revenge?
Take my advice ladies, better walk with a 'walk-foot' man without having to fret about certain things than drive in an Escalade and wonder why in God's universe you are with this ugly man who you wouldn't give the time of day if he were penniless. The deal should be this: Be with a guy because you love him and not because of his funds, because funds can go anytime. If it so happens that you love him and he loves you plus he has money, then good for you. And if there is no money, create some together by striving hard and working together.
- Shere Janas, words2livebi@yahoo.com
Big waste of time
Being married to someone is a whole lot more than getting him to satisfy your financial needs - what about spiritual, emotional, social and, of course, sexual needs? Are you proud of who your partner is, do you want to go out and be seen with this person? If not, why bother?
When you marry someone, you make a vow before God and man. Put it this way - the man is ugly, doesn't know how to treat you as you deserve to be treated, has no respect or moral values - just to name a few; but is filled with cash and you can get whatever you want, whenever you want: when all that money is done so is the 'love'.
Women who do this are cruel and some men who get caught in this situation are fools. So men, take my 'foolish' advice and get to know the type of women you grow to fall in love with. We have credentials you must meet before we consider you...
You should have yours too! Marrying someone who you don't consider your equal is a BIG waste of time!!!
- Kadie-Ann Cresser, kadiecress@yahoo.com
VIEWS FROM THE STREETS
Our readers on the street have their say as well. Read on.
Karen McFarlane, 25, nail technician: "A number of people say opposites attract and personally as long as I love the person and he makes me happy, it does not matter the status or the profession."
Maureen Bowen, 32, cosmetologist: "Life is full of surprises, anything is possible. As long as he has the dream to go on in life, to make two ends meet, I would take the chance. I know of a man who used to ride a bicycle and sell dress materials and now he owns and operates a big enterprise. I'm so proud of that man - someone who would start that way and later become someone who people look up to."
Sharon Walker Talbert, 39, legal secretary: "Love has no boundaries. Sometimes when you really love someone the status does not matter. But sometimes there are financial gains, fame but not happiness so there are advantages as well as disadvantages. Sometimes the decision not to have someone in a relationship you do not consider your equal can bring problems as well because some people do not understand your socialisation. Jealousy creeps in and this can be a problem. It all boils down to love. This comes with respect, honesty and understanding."
Keturah Ellis: "Yes. I would marry a man who is not my equal. But we must have the understanding that we expect him to grow. As a member of the church I have seen a number of single women who stay lonely for the rest of their lives but when reality hits us then we come to the knowledge that we stop being so discriminating and look on other qualities that would enable us to live harmoniously. Sometimes we are looking for too many status symbols and there are many other men who are equal but not in status. Life could be better with them. With prayer and fasting all can be achieved."
One person who wanted anonymity: "I don't believe in the expression 'not you're equal.' I believe that people are different and therefore people should be equally yoked." Another argued: "Equality is subjective and as long as we are compatible and can get along, I would marry him," said the other.
- Marlene McPherson
