Heather Little-White, Contributor
When a couple takes their wedding vow and pledges to be faithful to each other, faithfulness may not follow through in the marriage as the couple lives together and experiences infidelity. In many instances, husbands cheat on their wives to the extent that it destroys true love, ruins the family bond and may even cause him to lose everything for which he has worked.
Husbands have been cheating on their wives from time immemorial and the thought of infidelity by a husband has always been repulsive to a wife, regardless of how liberated she claims to be. No woman likes to know that her husband is having an affair with another woman. It is even more traumatic if it is discovered that the affair is with another man. In the same way that men want exclusivity, woman value it even more. Men disapprove of their wives having an affair and are very jealous of them. The same is true for women who jealously guard their husbands as a precious possession.
It is said that husbands have a roving eye for attractive women. However, when they may be able to control themselves and try to be faithful, websites on the Internet now encourage married men to cheat on their wives. These sites and their promoters tell husbands that it is acceptable to flirt, cheat and engage in harmless sexual fun. These sites are established to make money from the innocence of husbands and to counter the tenets of a good marriage.
REASONS
Why do husbands cheat? Some husbands find it difficult to resist the sexual appeal of the young girls who may be substantially more beautiful their wives. Once the husband gives into the temptation, he finds it difficult to break off the affair. In the long run, the question looms large - is the temptation worth the risk of ruining a marriage?
OTHER REASONS
Boredom with the union and the need for something exciting. If a willing woman is available, the sparks of infidelity are easy to ignite.
Age 40 is about the age when some men feel that they should have an affair. A common reason is that some feel that this affair is compensation if they feel that they have not achieved much in their lives.
Peer pressure - when the other guys are hanging out with other women apart from their wives, some husbands feel that they have to match up to the macho image and link with another woman. The common excuse to be away from home is working late or meeting business partners.
Seeking attention which they may not get at home. Husbands will seek out night clubs including strip joints and where willing women will shower them with attention while they make a 'dent' in their wallets.
==> Cheating husbands feel that the 'grass is greener on the other side' so if something is missing from the marriage they will seek it outside the marriage, often times without trying to communicate with their spouse.
==> Husbands may engage in extra-marital affairs to get back at their wives who have been unfaithful.
TELL-TALE SIGNS
Wives may suspect that their husbands are cheating. Tell-tale signs include a sudden barrage of phone calls, even late at nights and hubby gets jittery when the phone rings. He may make excuses of late work every night and wives even have found suspicious receipts for dining and hotel accommodation in the husbands' pocket while doing the laundry. While wives may be suspicious about their husband's fidelity, they may not be dead sure. It can be very difficult to know if a husband has been cheating as most men will go to great lengths to hide any extra-marital affair.
Though the signs of a cheating husband may be well hidden, a cheating husband will undoubtedly leave some clues in his wake. Cheating husbands tend to act differently then usual - they may be extra friendly, offering to do the dishes or make dinner, or they may be more distant. They also tend to make frequent trips out of the house, make anonymous phone calls, or charge more than usual to the credit card.
DETECTIVE WORK
If a wife is intent on catching a cheater, you may want to monitor things like phone bills, credit card receipts, and car mileage. If all else fails and there is a "gut" feeling of cheating, a wife may hire a private detective to get concrete evidence. It may mean performing some sly detective work but it is advisable to be upfront and honest with your partner.
If at all possible, skip the detective work and ask the question directly. Wives may just have to be bold to ask their husbands if they are cheating. If this is not an option, wives need to become familiar with the classic signs of a cheating husband.
BETRAY TRUST
Cheating husbands destroy value in a marriage and create a family crisis. Cheating husbands betray their wives' trust and destroy their wives investment in commitment and dedication to the union. In the long run, the marriage collapses creating pain, anger and even violence.
Can a marriage with infidelity be saved? Some affairs are a wake-up call for the marriage which becomes revitalized in the aftermath. Marriage counselling is advisable at this stage but if a wife decides to take matters into her own hands, be prepared for the worst. The marriage is likely to become even more difficult if the husband denies the affair. It does not mean that wives have to swear off men forever nor should they cheat to retaliate.
In efforts at reconciliation fail, take some time to say goodbye to the relationship on your own terms. For thoughtful people, ending the marriage is a difficult, painful, expensive and life-altering event. Husbands should realise that their wives want their marriage to be the place where they find love, richness, companionship and powerful intimacy.
