"I feel quite hurt as I don't deserve to be treated like this."

"I will show him that tree nuh grow inna mi face."

The above statements could well be the expressions of a young lady who was 'dumped' by her spouse. In her bid to get back at him she rushes out and initiates a relationship with the guy next door or the co-worker who has always expressed interest in her.

A failed relationship can be a traumatic experience for one or both partners and individuals do go through the five stages of grief i.e. shock, denial, anger, sadness and acceptance.

Shock: I am surprised by the turn of events. I was not expecting this.

Denial: I don't believe that he/she has walked out on me.

Anger: How dare you treat me this way? It nah go so!

Sadness: I can't live, if living is without you (song).

Acceptance: I am ready to move on with my life.

It is at the third and fourth stages that the estranged partner seeks to rebuild the shattered self-esteem and self-worth. Rational thinking is put on hold while the emotional repair work is proceeding.

Rebound relationships by nature are transient as the affected individual is not necessarily looking for a committed relationship. There is temporary relief and as soon as the person accepts the reality of the loss he/she will lose interest and may want to be left alone, much to the amazement of the new partner.

How to avoid a rebound relationship:

Give yourself time to reflect on the root cause of the break-up.

Do a honest self-evaluation. Ask your self. "Is there something I have done or never did that prompted this action?"

Avoid sharing your hurt with someone who may have vested interest, he or she may take advantage of your fragile emotional state.

Use the opportunity to explore new hobbies and creative activities.

Don't be angry. Be happy, the break-up may just be a blessing in disguise.

Use the opportunity to re-establish the tenets of your next relationship.

Give yourself at least a year to fully exhaust the grieving process.

Remember:

Life is 10 per cent of what happens to you, and 90 per cent of how you respond to it.

Starting all over again is going to be rough but you can make it.

Information provided by relationship counsellor, Wayne A. Powell. Email crisscounsellor@yahoo.com.