Wendel Abel

Dealing with emotions is important. The most successful people are able to mange their emotions. Many people are unhappy, have poor health, have poor interpersonal relationships and are not achieving the success and prosperity in their lives because they do not manage their emotions well.

Owning your feelings

Your feelings are never right or wrong. They are yours and you have a right to them. You can't stop the way you feel. What is right or wrong is how you handle these feelings.

As you mature

A child will scream when angry. As we mature, we are expected to handle our emotions appropriately.

Getting along with others

Your ability to relate with others is affected by your ability to manage your emotions.

We are judged by our emotional display

Emotions are the most obvious part of our personality. They influence how others see us and impact on our success in life.

Destructive responses to emotions

Some persons deny their feelings, others hide them and others express their feelings in inappropriate ways, regardless of the consequences.

How do I deal with my emotions?

BE BRAVE

B: Become aware of your feelings. Make a list of the feelings you experience.

R: Relax. Practise the following when you are overcome by negative feelings.

1. Become aware of your breathing.

2. Start taking deep breaths.

3. Inhale through the nostrils.

4. Exhale through your mouth.

5. Repeat these steps several times and as you do so allow your entire body to relax.

A: Acknowledge, Affirm and Assert your feelings. Do not allow others to devalue or minimise your feelings. Remember you have a right to all your feelings. You do not owe anyone any explanations of your feelings. Sometimes you may not even know the basis of your feelings.

Avoid using ways to drowning your sorrows. Do not engage in destructive behaviour such as smoking, overeating and drinking. They can cause long-term damage.

V: Ventilate your feeling in a truthful, appropriate and non- accusatory manner. Use "I MESSAGE." For example "I felt rejected when you did not call."

E: Exercise these techniques.

1. Start by playing some quiet music or using other forms of stress management.

2. Journaling helps. Think of situations that have affected your emotional state, write them down using "I MESSAGES."

3. Emotional disclosure: Write a note, send a letter, call or speak to someone who has affected you and express to them how they might have affected your feelings. At times you may need professional help.

Deal with negative thinking

Every time you start feeling depressed or angry, begin to evaluate your thinking. Negative thinking impacts on your emotional state. Here are some examples of negative thinking:

1. You make unreasonable conclusions based on how you feel. "I feel like garbage, so I must be a piece of garbage."

2. Because you did not get the promotion at work, you state, "I am a failure". Life is never one way or the other.

3. You label yourself badly because of one experience. You did not get your visa, so you feel that your life is a failure.

Life is 10 per cent what happens to you and 90 per cent how you respond to it. Managing your emotions can make a world of a difference.

There is a seminar on emotional intelligence for successful living on October 14. Call 927- 6708 for more information.

Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.