Melville Cooke

"Keep us free from weevil flour

For it will make our dumpling sour."

Amended third and fourth lines of Jamaica's National Anthem, Lyssons All-Age School, St. Thomas, circa 1979.

There was a time when I would get upset at people who remained slouched in their seats at the cinema during the National Anthem, Deon Hemmings crying and all (you can tell how often I pay the hyperinflated cinema costs for banana chips by my outdated memories, no true?).

Now, I am not sure if I should stand to show respect when it is being played or sung. Amend that. I know I should not stand, because our history since independence, when the lyrics were written by Hugh Sherlock and the music by Robert Lightbourne ostensibly to capture the spirit of a new, proud nation, has proven at least the first verse to be a lie.

But even before the history, in the first place I do not believe in an eternal father. Second, if any gender should get preference in blessing Jamaica, it should be women; compare the general response to Mother's Day (celebration) and Father's Day (near mourning). Then, whether it is a matter of guarding or guiding us with the mighty hand, said hand from police Jump Outs of the 1970s through Eradication Squad A.C.I.D. and the Special Anti-Crime Task Force has done precious little to guard or guide us away from a numbing crime rate.

The evil powers are firmly entrenched in the House of Parliament, whether on the 'tek e' or 'bawl out' side of the Trafigura matter, whether aligned to the deceased Bun Man and Bulbie, and I take serious offence to the plea to "be our light through countless hours." What is that? A generator during Gilbert? I shudder to think that it is a reference to light being inherently good and dark being inherently bad. That would make bleaching cream quite okay.

Wisdom please!

Our leaders (if only in name) have no need for wisdom from above, sideways, below or any other direction. They know exactly what they are doing, supervising a population which has been generally educated to be hewers of wood, drawers of water, grabbers of farm work tickets, dancers on darkened stages and just able to make the all-important distinction between orange and green, the bell and the head. Plus, wisdom is not coming from above via the International Monetary Fund, which has liberalised us into unrelenting poverty. Try the wisdom from below Half-Way Tree of people who know how to hustle on the streets and away from MPM personnel, yet still send children to high school and university.

That is true financial wizardry.

And "justice, truth be ours forever". If Sherlock had lived to see the enquiries into the Braeton killings, the West Kingston killings, the Street People dumping and the Flankers killings, he might have been tempted to retract the line, if not the entire song. It is not a new injustice either, because there is the Coral Gardens 'incident' of 1963, where Rastafarians were hunted down like dogs.

Jamaica land we love. In theory, yes. Having joined the fashion fervour with a purchase of two shirts in the colours of the flag, with Jamaica emblazoned across the chest and the number nine in the back (it would be interesting if one had a '6'), I am now ready for a match at 'The Office'. So who cares if most of these black, green and gold items are not made in Jamaica? Who cares if the threat of United States visa restrictions was enough to prevent a super Cuban hotel purchase? We are not patriots by production or even residence, but by consumption.

And said consumption has been put to some varied uses. You can now dry off with the flag, flip-flop and step on the flag, dutty wine in the flag, sleep in the flag and, my absolute favourite, G-string and get cheeky in the flag.

Standing at attention for that last one is a definite possibility.

"Politics mash up Jamaica

Still it is Jamaica, land we love."

- Jamaica's National Anthem, one deejay's version.

Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.