Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson

Dear Counsellor:

I am involved in a relationship for two years and I feel that it is too stressful. There is constant bickering and disagreements.

Whenever my boyfriend is wrong, he does not admit it but instead attacks me. He likes to argue and feels that he should win all arguments. We are both working and had hoped to get married soon. However, when I think of his personality and behaviour, I have second thoughts about continuing the relationship. I would like some advice on what to do.

- Joan

Dear Joan:

Life is filled with challenges and we all need to seek counselling to help us to manage. Discuss with your partner the idea of seeking counselling to help both of you sort out the relationship.

Relationships are stressful as are other issues in life. Your partner needs to do a self-evaluation to determine his trigger points and his coping style. We are all stressed, but we cannot just unload our frustrations on other people without causing problems. We need to listen and empathise with each other and this should be seen as a privilege and not an oppurtunity to abuse.

Discuss the issues with each other before the marriage because it can lead to early divorce. There are a variety of ways of dealing with stress and this should be applied to your lives. Challenges are part of life and we have to deal with them as we go about our daily business.

Difficult erection, early ejaculation

Dear Counsellor:

I am 45 years old and I am having a problem in my sex life. I have difficulty getting an erection and I ejaculate quickly. This has been occurring for some time now and my wife is getting upset with me. She thinks that I have lost interest in her and may actually be having an affair.

- John

Dear John:

Impotence is a common problem and it can be either physical and/or psychological. During sleep males get an erection and they usually wake up in the morning with one. If this happens to a male with impotence problems then it is a psychological problem. The psychological problems could be one of many, but males have a difficulty getting an erection if they are angry with their partner.

There are many reasons for anger in a relationship. Usually if needs are not being met there is irritability, revenge and punishment. Sometimes there is infidelity or distrust in the relationship. The male may suspect that his girlfriend is having an affair and is unable to get an erection.

Sometimes men suffer from performance anxiety. There may be a situation where there was premature ejaculation at one episode and after that the male may develop tension and anxiety about his performance. The cycle repeats itself and things worsen before they improve.

Medical conditions can cause impotence as well as certain medications. If you have hypertension or diabetes mellitus then the possibility exists that you can have erectile dysfunction. Erectile problems also arise in depression and anxiety. Depression is a common condition and males are usually unaware that they have this condition. Many males who are alcoholic are usually unaware that they have this condition. However, these males usually are unaware of their poor functioning. Alcohol deadens the senses and gives a false sense of security about one's capabilities.

There are medical and psychological treatment for impotence. The medications are many and varied, so you need to see your doctor who may refer you or prescribe the medication needed.

Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson; 9788602, 7911778; yvonniebd@hotmail.com.