Melville Cooke

LOVE CAN be an exhilarating thing but, as events over the past couple weeks have shown, apparently it can also be the pits.

Recent allegations of dead lovers being dumped, but not flushed, as well as the recurrence now all too common 'murder-suicide' pheno-menon and a non-cricketer rehearsing strokes on the pitch of the betrothed's skin, have led me to ponder the possession of love. And I mean possession both in the sense of ownership as well as the possession by rage.

But it is the possession of 'my girl' and 'my man' that comes before the possession of "reports reaching the newsroom are that Blake was part of a love triangle." And it is that possession which is at the root of these recent evils which needs to be addressed, to give up this notion of ownership.

A wonderful thing

Love, whatever someone's personal concept of it is, is wonderful if it is returned to the same degree that it is given. One, however, must be practical. A part of this practicality is knowing that your parents did not conceive you, raise (or not raise) you and structure your life under the guidance of some unknown, yet all-knowing being just so that you would be the soul mate of a particular person (of the opposite gender, naturally).

And similarly, the person you are with currently has not spent their entire life waiting on you to appear to make them complete, no matter what they say about you being 'The One' in the matrix of their lives.

Frankly, if it was not you, it would be someone else.

In addition, when you get together on a long-term basis, whether by decision like a shark bite or drift like seaweed, there is no vow, no action, no promise, no contract that can guarantee that you will be that person's last lover (which seems to be the intentions of these actions by the possessed). People have different needs at different stages of their lives, so satisfying your partner's desires (and this is not just about sex) at 20 is no guarantee of satisfying them at 40. Hell, satisfying them at a New Year's Eve party is no guarantee that New Year's Day will be all rosy.

So, you are not in possession of your partner's happiness. Neither are you in possession of your partner's personality. So, treating someone wonderfully is no guarantee that they will be appreciative, respectful, considerate and a bombshell in bed. Nobody changes anyone. Nobody changes for anyone. Basic instincts may be suppressed, but they will always return.

Start with the raw material required for a desired finish. This copper into gold transformation is what gave us gunpowder in the first place and look where that has got us.

The sex issue

And last, but not least, you are not in possession of your partner's genitalia. Many things will be said in the heat of the moment, but said heat lasts only for a moment. Call it a 'borrows,' a rental, a long lease, whatever, but not ownership. If you wish your partner to have sex with you only, find someone who is naturally so inclined. But if they are not so inclined, then neither chastity belt, satellite tracking, private eye or provision of every material comfort known to human beings will make a difference. There are only two things so sweet that people have to take oaths against them (oaths that are hard to keep) and they both start with 'p'.

One is pork.

And finally, finally, you are not in possession of the right to behave in a manner that your partner is forbidden to. If you give bun, expect that sooner or later (depending on when your partner finds out) it will be your personal Easter.

Melville Cooke is a freelance writer.