Ivret Williams

Dear Counsellor:

My spouse gets depressed easily. Many times, it has to do with situations at work. He will come home and talk constantly about what is happening at his workplace. There are times when I listen to him, but at other times, I think that he is making a mountain out of a mole hill. There are even times when I have joked about the situation and he will become very angry and even malice me for days. I sometimes do not know how to deal with the situation. I need your help.

-Margaret

Dear Margaret:

Unfortunately, there is a Jamaican saying, 'what is joke to you is death to me'. Although humour does lighten a tense situation, there are times when humour will cause a conflict to escalate as the other person may think that you are making light of his problems.

The dilemma you face is that you may become stressed by your spouse's constant regurgitations on the one hand, and on the other hand, be castigated if you do not listen as he may say that you are not interested in his problems. One could look at the plus to all of this by saying that at least he is sharing his problems with you.

Unfortunately when he comes home with problems from work, it becomes hard for you to tell him the problems you are having at home and as such problems that are common to both of you may become pushed aside due to the 'pressing' problems at work.

Some of the pressure would be relieved if he went to see a professional counsellor who could help him to deal with the problems at work leaving you both free to deal with the problems that are common to you both.

Attracted to co-worker

Dear Counsellor:

I am married and I find that I am getting attracted to a co-worker. We talk a lot and sometimes I share some private information with him. I have shared the way I am feeling with a friend and she suggested that I tell the co-worker about it - not to have a relationship but to get it out of my system.

Before I do anything I need your advice. Right now my marriage is going through a bad patch and I do not know if that is what is creating the attraction to this other person.

- Sonia

Dear Sonia:

Let me say first of all that from time to time persons will become attracted to persons other than their spouse. This is normal. The important thing is that the person remains committed to the covenant of marriage.

Please do not share these feelings with your co-worker. They are your concern, not his. If you share the feelings, it will either encourage an intimate relationship or you could be rejected and the information shared with others. This could become embarrassing.

Your attraction could be due to the problems you are having in your marriage.

Seek to deal with the problems you are having in your marriage and work at maintaining the intimacy. Right now you may be feeling lonely and as such you are craving for admiration, praise and intimacy.

You need to disengage yourself and distance yourself from the relationship.

Finally, find someone trustworthy that you could become accountable to who could keep you in check in those moments when your heart may choose to wander.

Contact Ivret Williams at letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com