Dear Counsellor:

I have been married for 10 years now and feel that I am being taken for granted by my husband. We don't go out anymore and I feel that all our activities are about the children. I would like some romance in my life.

- Carol

Dear Carol:

'Romancing' each other is an activity that each partner has to work on. Remember the days of courtship when you would go to places together and spend time trying to look good for each other.

As we grow older and get familiar with each other, we often tend to take each other for granted and forget that it's a privilege when our needs are being met.

We took the oath of commitment and suddenly we are expected to fetch and carry without a thank you or an acknowledgement of gratitude.

It is remarkable how a partner gets upset if his or her possessions are disturbed but doesn't think anything of destroying a spouse's things. We need to have respect for our spouses and treat their belongings with as much care and thought as we would our own belongings.

Many times it's the simple things which are omitted that cause a breakdown in the relationship. We need to pay compliments profusely and be wary of criticism.

Some people like to criticise others but they themselves get sensitive if anything is said against them. If we treat romance as an activity wherein we are on our best behaviour at all times, then respect, caring and nurturing will flow freely.

Giving tokens of appreciation or love is to be encouraged. We can give a rose or surprise the spouse with a small gift to add spontaneity to the relationship.

It is Christmas time when we plan activities to celebrate Christ's birth and create pleasant memories for ourselves and our children.

Remember that it's in sharing the chores and caring for each other that we nourish our relationship.

Dear Counsellor:

I have seen where you have helped others. My problem is that I cannot get along with my brothers. This feud has been going on for some years now. I feel that as a family we should live together as best as we can. The issue is destroying me.

- Maizie

Dear Maizie:

Family disputes are common occurrences. For some reason siblings sometimes cannot get along, or parents with their children.

Our family of origin is our links with the past.They give us a sense of belonging and give us attachment to our roots. Generations throughout the ages have had to stick together to maintain their sense of self.

Our perception of ourselves is linked to our family of origin and our extended family.

It is not easy to make peace with someone who has done us wrong. Family members have to forgive each other and try to live amicably.

Maybe you can get a respected outsider to bring together the siblings and arrive at a truce. Dispute resolution can be successful through mediation and fellowship can be increased with your siblings.

Your siblings are with you forever and it is good to repair broken relationships.

Conflict resolution is possible. Having identified the source of conflict, then individuals can negotiate and arrive at a just compromise. We must not take family for granted as they are our most valuable supporters.

Family can be supportive in many ways. Life is short, problems are many, but with the help of others we will be able to cope with life challenges.

In an argument, people have to agree to disagree on certain issues. We need to be respectful and aware of the needs of others. Together as a family, you can achieve success.