Dear Counsellor,

I always see your articles and enjoy reading them. I have a concern. I have a long-distance relationship - I live abroad and my boyfriend lives in Jamaica. I will be moving back to Jamaica in a year. We talk every day, but sometimes I wonder if he is cheating.

The other reason is that his mother became ill last week and that changed our relationship.

I try to be understanding, but sometimes it is hard. I wanted to prove, against the trend of statistics, that long-distance relationships can work if both parties are willing to make it work. Please tell me what you think.

- Becky

Dear Becky,

If you feel that the relationship has changed after his mother's illness then you must talk about it. It may be true or it may be your imagination. The stress of the illness may have put undue pressure on him, which could have affected his ability to talk with you as regularly as you would want.

Becky, I do not want you to 'search diligently' for infidelity where there is none. If you begin to get suspicious of your relationship, you will be infecting your mind with seeds of doubt, which will in turn breed mistrust.

This will result in a cycle as the doubts will create more 'evidence-seeking' behaviours with you scrutinising every person your boyfriend comes in contact with and subject him to annoying questions.

Every relationship thrives on trust, more so a long-distance one: You will have to trust him and he will have to trust you.

Interestingly, even though you may strive to prove to the statisticians that long-distance relationships can work, yours may fall apart after you are joined together because the seeds of doubt would have bloomed into acres of mistrust.

Dear Counsellor,

I have a problem. My husband works non-stop. I fear for him. He is 45 and he is forever working.

Whenever I talk to him about it, he says that he wants his family to be comfortable. I am tired of telling him that we are comfortable, but he continues to work very hard. He has his own business and he will come in late and leave early in the mornings. What can I do?

- Cerita

Dear Cerita,

Let me say that I have no problem with hard work, but there must be a balance to life. If, as you say, you are financially comfortable as a family, then there may be other reasons why your husband is working so hard.

He might have been raised on a 'diet' of conditional love which was given to him in small portions when he worked hard.

Although the dynamics have changed, he is still working hard to receive his love portions.

Also, he might have seen his hard-working father as his hero, so the most natural thing to do is to work hard.

Also, he may be working that hard because he may be comparing himself to someone else or to reduce his feelings of insecurity and worthlessness.

I hate to say this, but sometimes it takes something dramatic to 'slow the man down'. I would advise you to encourage him to see a Counselor, as his work habits might have become addictive.