Beverley East, Contributor

A few days ago, a friend called me seeking my advice about something. I felt this dread in my stomach, because I knew she must be in a desperate situation.

It turned out that I was her last hope. She had spoken to everyone else and I had heard through the grapevine that she was in trouble.

I listened to her for about 20 minutes, ranting and raving about her job, then she asked me what I thought she should do. I asked her if she was ready for the truth.

"Of course," she said. I gave her the truth. She cursed me out, slamming down the phone in my ear.

Speak the truth

It's not what I said that was so painful, but she just wasn't ready to hear the truth. I thought I would give her a few days to simmer before I call her. I really value our friendship, but anyone who knows me longer than two days will know that I don't sugar-coat anything.

I didn't get a chance to call her back. She called me back the next day not to apologise, but to tell me that she had thought long and hard about what I said and taken my advice, which seemed to be working.

Speak the truth and shame the devil. That's my philosophy. I don't go out of my way to be mean, I just don't want you coming back to me three months later with the same problem when we can solve it now.

Many readers of this column don't like what I write. I get a lot of angry emails. I try my best to be objective and practical when giving advice, but the truth is the truth.

The same is true with evaluations. Every year, or maybe twice a year, we may be evaluated by our managers, or supervisors. Sometimes, we walk away feeling happy and other times we walk way feeling resentful and betrayed.

If you are faced with this situation, rather than staying angry make this an opportunity to grow.

Look at the critical information about you, what you can do differently.

A favourable or unfavourable evaluation should not come as a complete surprise to you, you should have some idea how you have been performing.

Sometimes, we don't want to hear what our families have to say. Our mothers may advise us, our partners may advise us, or our closest friends may make suggestions, but we don't listen.

Attack the messenger

We get so wrapped up into knowing or thinking that we are right that we miss the message that the messenger brings. Instead, we attack the messenger, we put down the phone on him or her, and may even avoid further dialogue rather than sitting down, digesting what has been suggested, and do the work.

I remember once I took my eight-year-son to a conference with me. I asked him at the end of my presentation,. "What did you think of Mummy?"

I was shocked at his response. I thought he was going to say how good I was and that he was in total awe of me. Instead, my son told me quite frankly, "Mummy, you did not leave enough time for Q & A."

I smiled and thanked him for his frankness.

Since that day, every presentation I give I still hear his little voice in the back of my head. So, now I leave double time for that purpose. It has improved my relationships with my clients ten-fold.

So, next time someone criticises you, evaluates you at work, makes a suggestion that you think is not necessary, consider how you can gain from it. How can you enhance your career by really being honest with yourself?

I remember once I was criticised for spending too much time reading. My defence was, how was I going to know what was going on in the world if I didn't read?

The person's response was, how is anyone ever going to know your thoughts when you don't have time to write them down because you are too busy reading?

I huffed my way out of the room, but it bugged me for days. The following year, I cancelled 10 of my 11 subscriptions, and started writing my first book.

Can you imagine, I was reading 11 magazines per month, belonged to two book clubs, plus daily newspapers. I was an information junkie. Today, the person who gave me that advice loves to tease me about how much I still read today.

So don't shoot the messenger but listen to the message and learn from it. Sometimes the boss isn't always right, but he is still the boss.

Have a productive week.

Send email to writefully_yours@hotmail.com.

Five ways to impress your boss

Know the mission. Align yourself with your boss and company's goals and values. Make your boss' priorities your priorities.

Understand how you'll be evaluated. Know precisely which skills, behaviours and accomplishments you will be judged on and rewarded. Focus on them like a laser.

Make your boss look good. Finish your work on time and with a high level of professionalism. Bring your boss ideas that will help him and the department, and offer to take charge and implement them.

Be organised. Plan your next day before you leave work. Rank your tasks by urgency and importance and make a point of doing at least the top two items on your list.

Be dependable. Do what you say you're going to do. Better yet, underpromise and overdeliver.