Keisha Shakespeare-Blackmore, Staff Reporter

After almost 20 years of pain, Joanfinally walked away from her years of abusive relationships. But this was not before a piece of her right arm was bitten out and she had received several cuts and a broken collarbone.

Joan's trail of bad events started when she was 13 years old. Peterwould pass by her house daily and say hi to her. Before long, he became extra friendly; frequently stopping by for a chat. Joan's mother did not seem to mind until she became pregnant.

"My mother did not tell me that when I started menstruating that if I had sexual intercourse with a man I could become pregnant. She wasn't a quick thinking mother," said Joan.

Her mother reacted negatively to the pregnancy. "She almost killed mi. She beat mi and threw me out of the house." The pregnant teen had to sleep out in the yard or at the neighbour's. However, a good Samaritan talked her mother into taking her back in. After she gave birth to a baby girl, everything seemed OK but little did she know that all hell was about to break loose. "Peter started controlling me, every move I made. I had to report to him."

First beating

The baby was about six months old when Peter first abused her but she did not tell her mother. Even when he cut her she said nothing.

"He said gal mi wi cut cut yu up, yu know."

I laughed and said, "Yu a idiot man." Before she knew it, he walked up to her and cut her above her groin. After the incident, she broke it off with him.

She began dating again at age 17, and moved in with Brutus. Within months they began arguing a lot. By the time she was 19, there was another pregnancy and that's when things really began to deteriorate.

"He started beating me. He said people told him that I was not at home in the days and I have a man."

Joan tried to elevate herself from her unhappy situation by getting a job. She told Brutus she was not going to depend on him anymore so she got a job as a domestic helper. Most evenings when she got home from work, they argued and fought. While she was at work in the days, the children were left in his care.

"When I came in tired and the children needed a bath and I asked him to do it, him sey him caan bother. We fought then made up." This went on daily until one day he punched her in the eye. "For days mi eye blood shot, mi couldn't go outside."

Back with mother

After two years of arguing, fighting and getting beatings, she moved back in with her mother. Brutus begged her to forgive him, to take him back and swore he would never do it again. She finally gave in.

"I told myself the children need both parents." Everything went well until two years later when she became pregnant again. Six months after that baby was born, the beatings began.

One night he came in drunk and wanted to have sex but she refused.

"He grabbed me and bit a piece of flesh from my right hand." Another night she refused him again and he charged into her like a bull and threw her into a pile of glass.

"My feet and knees were cut. He told me that when him done with mi, mi suppose to look like monkey and nobody would want me." The daily routine worsened. "One day when he was beating me, I used an iron chair and hit him. I knocked him out and he began to froth at the mouth."

He questioned her motives for hitting him and she said she was a better mother and father to the children than he was.

"Wrong answer. Him blood up mi mouth long time."

The Showdown

One night he came home drunk as usual. She decided to leave him but decided to take the girls and he should take the boy. He would have none of it and pulled a knife; she drew a machete and the showdown began.

"I backed off a little and told him I didn't want to kill him. He went outside and began to throw bottles and stones through the window." Joan hid behind the refrigerator as missiles came flying in. When she thought it was safe, she came out of hiding but was greeted with a blow from a stone that connected with her collarbone. "I just hear bum inna mi collar and mi caan lift up mi hand."

Shortly after, she went in the children's room; they were crying. She tried to console them by telling them to lie on the bed and be quiet. It was about 3:00 a.m. and the neighbour came out to see what the racket was about. Afterwards, she threatened to go to the police and take out a restraining order against him. The neighbours took him away and advised him to stop drinking.

Walked Out

At the age of 37, Joan walked out of the relationship with her children. She is now 50 years old and is doing well. She told Flair that Brutus used to say things to lower her self-esteem.

"He would say if I tried to leave him he would kill me and that I could not live without him." But she thanks God for perseverance and the courage to leave.

Ironically, she currently gives Brutus money to help out.

She said she tells her girls every relationship has its good and bad but they should try to achieve something so that when the bad comes, they can stand on their own. She also pointed out that sometimes people stay in abusive relationships because it is what they know.

"You believe nothing is wrong because your parents abused you too," she said. The scars that have tainted her body, bring back memories but still she fights on. Currently, she is working as clerk and group coordinator in a prominent organisation.

*Names have been changed.

Look out next week for Pt. Two - Signs of Abuse and How to deal with Abuse.