Dear Counsellor:

My father died recently and I am finding it difficult to cope. I am an adult and my father was old. However, it is difficult to face life without my father. My father usually provided guidance and direction for me.

His suggestions were always quite useful and he always had some cheerful words of encouragement. I cry a lot and have difficulty sleeping at night. My children were close to him as well. He used to read stories to them and talk with them. He tried to be a good father and grandfather. He will be sadly missed by the family.

- Annette

Dear Annette:

Death has a time to steal us away and our families suffer from the loss. Grieving a loved one is a part of the routine and ritual of life. I consider it the most difficult task that humans have to endure.

In Jamaica, when someone dies, the family, friends and community would visit the bereaved. There are 'set-ups' and 'nine-nights' and frequent visitations.

These actions help the bereaved to cope with their loss as people are full of advice and offer words of encouragement. If you live in the rural area, the level of support can be very great. It is interesting to note that in sickness and death, people usually put aside their differences and provide for the ones in need.

Grieving is a life-long process and the emotional pain gets less with time. Sometimes individuals feel angry, sad, frustrated and discouraged.

Whenever someone dies, the mortality of the survivor is brought into question. People can become fearful about the future. The reality is that we all will die someday, but we cannot predict when that will be. We cannot dwell on our mortality. We need to focus on the living and treasure the pleasant memories of our loved ones who are gone ahead.

Our belief systems are vital, as our perception of life after death will guide our thoughts. The memories of our loved ones will always be with us. The teachings and encouragement from your father will always be in your mind.

When you are in a jam, just think of what your father would have said and it will be as if he is talking to you. It is interesting, but you can use your imagination to bring to consciousness the things that your father did.

Speaking with a therapist will be helpful as he will help you to put things into perspective. The doctor can prescribe medication for sleep problems and depression.

Speak to your children about the good things that your father did. This will help them remember your father with pleasant memories.

Dear Counsellor:

I am 35 years old and I lost a pregnancy when I was 27 years old. I don't think that I have recovered as yet as I am still grieving.

- Tanisha

Dear Tanisha:

Many women have had miscarriages, so you are not alone. Grieving is a life-long experience and the memories of the event will remain. There are many medical reasons why the foetus/embryo dies, and sometimes it is because the foetus is abnormal.

The event is very traumatic for couples who have been trying to have a child. Whenever a loved one dies, we grieve. People mourn the possibilities and their failed expectations. They get angry, sad, bewildered and frustrated.

People often wonder why they are the ones who had to lose a pregnancy. Many things in life are beyond our control. We need to go forward with our lives and make the best of our situations.