Dear Counsellor:

My son is 14 years old and is not reading. He got zero for communication task in GSAT. His behaviour is problematic at home and at school.

- Mary

Dear Mary:

It is unfortunate that help wasn't given to your son at an earlier age, as now it is almost too late. However, help is always available for non-readers whether they are adolescents or adults. Non-readers fall in a group of persons who have learning disorders. There are a variety of causes of learning disorders.

Learning disorders are associated with behavior problems, as the students are not focused, motivated or enthusiastic. Having passed through childhood and still not reading, your son's self-esteem has taken a beating. Regardless of the situation, individuals do need to read as they are at a disadvantage in society. Some students have reading disabilities, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, mental retardation, visual or hearing problems. The problem has to be identified so that it is dealt with. You need to discuss with the principal and guidance counsellor a specific intervention programme for your son.

Dear Counsellor:

I have a 16-year-old daughter who refuses to follow my rules. She wants to come and go at her convenience. She does little work at school and doesn't do homework. I need help.

- Neesha

Dear Neesha:

The teenage years can be filled with turmoil and problems. Parenting a teenager can be challenging and taxing. The teenager is no longer a child but is not yet an adult. Teenagers want to set their own rules and are risk takers. They don't want to face the consequences of their actions. They are defiant at times and very oppositional. As you can see, adolescence is a time of rapid development. It is the time when friends of the opposite sex are important. The teen-agers want to follow each other and join the crowd. Peer pressure can be both good and bad.

You need to take your daughter for counselling, as she needs to learn to set goals, accept limits and conform to rules. The counsellor will seek to identify the strengths of your daughter and use that to make changes and build her self-esteem. Going to high school is a one-time opportunity and your daughter needs to make good use of her time and academics. She needs to make a commitment and promise to herself to improve her behaviour and her academics.

Teenagers need to be taught study skills and examination techniques. Sometimes there are medical reasons for the behaviour of a teenager. We need to identify whether the teenager is grieving, depressed or anxious. Some teenagers have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or learning disabilities so it is therefore important to get your daughter assessed to identify reasons for her behaviour.

Some teenagers give problems but later settle down and behave themselves. As the mother, you will need help with your parenting skills and management of your anger.