Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributed

After the excitement associated with St. Valentine's Day, many relationships are losing the sheen and are going back to being become lacklustre and boring. According to Janeen, a wife of 15 years, "My husband and I don't do Valentine's because of all the hype associated with the day, we give each other constant love and surprises throughout the year." One way to keep the sparkle in your relationship is build trust between you and your partner.

What are the underlying factors that make Janeen's marriage stay soulful and loving over the years? Some of these factors are:

Awareness of the potential in all human touch - touching is integral to igniting their passion inside and outside the bedroom.

Partner's self-acceptance - loving each other's body despite the imperfections. Janeen's husband is much shorter than she is, and despite society's belief about the shortcomings of 'short men', she feels blessed to have a good husband and an excellent lover.

Deepening each other's courage - approaching lovemaking with a willingness to let go, making noise, losing one's self and screaming with laughter or pleasure as you become aroused.

Using imagination of limitless possibilities for sexual pleasure - using creative techniques to ignite passion.

Encouraging laughter to lighten up about sex and to become playful and outrageous.

Trust

The basis for these factors is trust, which allows each partner to accept each other when he or she laughs, frowns or let-go in whatever form. Building trust is necessary prevent sexual problems. Trust should be established from very early in the relationship. When partners come from a family where trust was a component of family life, it is not difficult to carry this value into marriage. Despite the hurts and disappointments you may have suffered, trust can be developed in a relationship with a partner committed to boosting your well-being.

Trusting each other allows partners to experience the full heights and depths of sexual love and joyful passion. The element of trust creates safety for each other. When safety is created it means giving up criticism and claiming to be always 'right'. The safety net of trust allows you to offer your partner gifts of acceptance, affirmation and understanding. It means listening lovingly, something that is learned during the course of the relationship. As couples trust each other, a bond develops and couple's sexual connection flourishes and provides comfort during difficult times.

Exercise

Dr. Victoria Lee, clinical psychologist and sex therapists provides a simple exercise to help you to become aware of and increase your level of trust toward your partner.

1. Set aside at least an hour when you can be alone together and uninterrupted.

2. Take turns to blindfold each other.

3. For the blindfolded partner, allow your partner to lead you around in your living space, going outside if possible. Rely on your partner for directions, leadership and safety. Notice how you feel.

4. At your partner's direction, spend a few minutes in some form of physical touch, still blindfolded. Choose a back-rub, kissing or whatever appeals to you.

5. Switch roles for another 10 minutes.

6. Afterwards, sit and discuss the feelings you experienced during the exercise. Say what may have helped you to feel more trusting.

Communication

Sex problems that may arise in a union can be solved when lovers feel a profound trust for each other. For example, you may have difficulty in achieving orgasm and feel embarrassed to talk about it. On analysis, you may learn that inhibitions due to lack of trust may prevent you reaching orgasm. Very often, sexual problems are solved when partners communicate clearly and with trust.

As you continue the year, do not allow the Valentine sheen to rub off from your relationship. Commit to mutuality in protecting each other's health and well-being. As a loving partner, you ought to build trust to experience heightened passion in your love life.

Love is strong yet delicate.

It can be broken.

To truly love is to understand

this.

To be in love is to respect this.

- Stephen Packer

Name changed for privacy