Dennie Quill, Conrtributor

In between snores last night, I became the Prime Minister of the beautiful archipelago of islands called the Bahamas. There I was, feeling like king of the heap among my CARICOM colleagues, who were gathered for a meeting to try and come up with strategies to deal with a slump in tourist arrivals and passport worries for American visitors.

I am feeling oh so smug, because the Bahamas has itself a new tourist attraction and it is likely to pull millions of visitors into Nassau. They will all come to see where tabloid queen Anna Nicole Smith has been buried. It didn't matter to me that the authorities in that Fort Lauderdale courtroom were deciding where to place her last remains without consulting us. We wanted this body. And I was glued to my television set for gavel-to-gavel coverage of the hearings, and did I breathe a sigh of relief when finally we were given her remains.

Celebrity sighting is a growing market an we are starting late, we see real opportunities in erecting a monument to the busty former Playboy model. After all, at only age 39, Anna had done it all - Playboy pin-up, exotic dancer, mother, wife of oil tycoon, reality-show star, actress, Trim Spa spokeswoman.

Rumblings from the Opposition

There are rumblings from the Opposition that we have allowed the sordid Anna Nicole Smith story to make a mockery of our country's justice system, but they don't understand the enormity of this wonderful occurrence. So I called up Hubert (Ingraham) to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. I asked him whether he was aware that nearly 30 years after Elvis Presley's death, more than 700,000 pilgrims at US$25 each, continue to flock Graceland annually to view his grave and tour the late rock 'n' roll king's estate. Graceland put Memphis, Tennessee, on the map and is estimated to pull in US$20 million a year. I told Hubert that scores of fans from all over the world would now make the trek to Nassau to see where this bombshell has been laid to rest. Our tourism product was looking for a boost, but never did I imagine that it would come in this form. By the way, I told Hubert they had done a disservice to Shane, and that one day he would be given a national honour for bringing Nicole to us and placing the Bahamas on the map.

Alongside the grave, we will erect a museum where we will have on sale Anna Nicole dolls, laminated photos, DVDs, audio and other mementos. The grave will be guarded 24 hours a day to prevent vandalism and we will charge a fee to walk by the grave. Impersonators, paparazzi and potential baby fathers will all be welcomed. I could hear in Hubert's voice a worrying tone, for he knew that my re-election was now assured, thanks to sweet Anna Nicole.

Then I was awakened by a consistent thud. I was, in fact, hearing the sounds of pickaxes in New Kingston where crews are dismantling the sidewalks. Many things are wrong with New Kingston, but the concrete sidewalks were solid, if a bit dirty. Now, what are they going to replace it with, I asked? Some people suggest that a beautification project will be undertaken and the sidewalks will have shrubs and flowers bursting forth in a few weeks. I guarantee that if indeed that is the plan, the shrubs and flowers will wilt and die even before the cricket extravaganza begins. Who is going to maintain these plants? If the answer is another form of concrete, isn't that an arrant waste of time?

Indictment

The fact that no one really knows the answer is an indictment on the municipal government. It cannot be right for people to wake up to find their physical space being dramaticall without any explanation from the powers that be. That is great disrespect.

Apparently, it is the Civic Committee of New Kingston that is undertaking this work. Now, in some countries when major civic work is contemplated the stakeholders are called to a public meeting to view the plans and get a full briefing as to the cost and the time frame for the work, to ensure that the money is being put to the best use and that the work is being done with minimal disruption. I would love to return to Nassau; alas, the dream is over and I am fully awake. Pity.