"Hmmm."

Are you listening to me?

"Hmmm.Yes?"

Ever been talking to your partner and he makes all the appropriate responses, but deep down you feel that he is not listening to a word you say?

Chances are, this has happened to you in the past. Effective communication is arguably one of the biggest problems in relationships in Jamaica today.

According to counselling psychologist Indy Mclymont-Lafayette, the cause may lie in the fact that men and women and men 'talk' differently.

"The stereotype," states Mclymont-Lafayette, "is normally that women are the 'chatterboxes'. Women are often said to 'nag and complain' about everything."

As a result, men, for 'peace sake', often just agree as much as possible with what is said - often tuning out what the woman is saying. Sometimes to the extent of answering 'Yes dear', to a question like: "Do you think I'm putting on too much weight?" And getting in hot water for it!

Of course, this is NOT ideal in communicating, the counsellor notes.

"For communication to have taken place it is important that the partner hears the message that the other person is sending."

One of the best ways of doing this is to ask the person you are addressing to repeat what you have said. You might think that what you said was very clear, but you would be surprised sometimes at what the other person may have interpreted from what you said.

Some women complain that their partners do not help around the house, but part of that could be that the women don't ask for help.

They may expect the men to know that they 'should help out'. OR, even if the women ask, their partner may be turned off by their approach.

Instead, try a reasoned and calm approach rather than 'demanding' help. If you can get him to understand your needs then he might be more inclined to help.

Body language

The study of what your body language says is called kinesics. Does he lean forward to listen when you talk? Or does she fold her arms and lean back? Does she stop what she is doing to listen to you? Or do you have to wait until every errand around the house is done before you get an ear?

These are non-verbal signs of your partners' level of attention to your needs. Do they yawn and drop asleep when you are speaking? If you ask your mate about something you discussed last week, will he or she be able to remember? If they do, then you can be sure that they were paying attention to what was being said.

Action speaks louder than words

Of course, the best way to know that your mate has listened is if after your discussion you see action.

If he helps to clear the dining table after dinner without you asking, then for sure your communication was effective. If she no longer checks your wallet for numbers, then she has started to trust you.

Effective communication between men and women may not be easy, but these simple strategies can make a big difference in your relationship.

Information provided by counselling psychologist Indy-Mclymont-Lafayette. Email indidlk@yahoo.com