Glenda Simms At a recent gathering of the district posse on the veranda of the One-Stop-Shop in the village, Maas George remarked that the current period of drought is threatening to reduce the productivity of the farmers.
Miss Mattie agreed with him and noted that all those who were planning to cash in on the vegetable demands of Cricket World Cup 2007 are a little nervous. They have invested a lot of money in planting special seeds but the rain god has only sent one decent shower in recent times.
Hottie-Hottie rolled her eyes under the blonde bang that interfered with her vision from time to time, and wondered aloud why nature is so unkind at this time when she has decided to become the district's most successful female farmer.
Maas George whispered softly that the mountain goddess of farming might be testing Hottie's sincerity. In fact, all the other young people in the district are sceptical of Hottie's New Year's resolution. They can't quite fathom a Hottie without false fingernails and bling bling, and they certainly cannot come to grips with the notion of a serious farmer in a blonde wig.
Miss Mattie was very aware of the peer pressure that Hottie was experiencing. Every young man and young woman in the district has been whispering about the childless and man-less state of Hottie-Hottie. In fact, the toothless domino champion has reportedly told his other domino partners that in all likelihood Hottie is 'funny'. After all, any girl who reaches 22 and is not in college, university or the church choir should have had at least one child, and furthermore, there should be at least one man on the veranda who has a secret for her. Outside of this framework, the only category for a district girl who does not appear to be interested in finding a man of any vintage or state of mind is the 'funny category'.
Miss Mattie has heard these whisperings but she does not 'pay any mind' to those limited rumour- mongering losers. She realises that the only reason they do not put her in the 'funny' category is because she was once married. Also, when a woman is over 90, no one thinks about her sexuality. Sometimes Miss Mattie feels like announcing to all and sundry that they should stop taking liberties with women. When Maas George announced that at 80 he is looking for a woman to settle down with, no one questioned his overactive imagination.
ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE
There have been occasions when, after a few swigs of white rum on the rocks, Miss Mattie's thoughts have turned to the possibility of falling in love one more time before her final hour, just to prove that, contrary to popular beliefs, a woman has such possibilities at any hour of the day. These thoughts usually evaporate as fast as they come because Miss Mattie has looked at every district man 35 and over and realises that not even one of them has a full set of solid teeth. She therefore understands why Hottie does not pay much attention to the men in the district. She would rather be considered 'funny' than end up with a toothless wonder who has no skills, no ambition and whose idea of love is "six love" at the domino table.
When Miss Mattie is in her thinking frame of mind, the others on the veranda keep very quiet. They know that they must respect the silent moments when their beloved elder is contemplating the state of the nation.
After this lull, Miss Mattie proposed that everyone in the district should plan a beautification campaign for the month of March, which is Women's History Month. Maas George cleared his throat and remarked that he is very concerned that no one is thinking about the men. After all, he pointed out that February was Black History Month and now he is being told that March is the Women's Month.
"What about the men?" asked Maas George in his most agitated voice.
Miss Mattie straightened her spine, rolled her eyes and responded in her best Sunday voice, "George, two from 12 is ten, what more do you want?"
Hottie laughed loudly and said "I think Maas George wants the full 12." On that note, Miss Mattie recommended thatthe next communal activity will be the beautification of the roadways and the cemetery. She nominated Maas George to pull together a planning team for this initiative, and she strongly suggested that more emphasis should be placed on the implementation than on the food and the domino game.
Maas George agreed with Miss Mattie. He likes to be in charge to give orders to Hottie-Hottie who, in his opinion, needs to be 'cut down to size'.
Glenda P. Simms is a gender expert and consultant.
