Angela Philipps, Contributed

Nothing hurts more than the feeling of being betrayed. Whether it's dished out by family, a lover or a friend, you still get that same sense of disappointment and emptiness. At first you're shocked, then you become upset, next you walk around in disbelief for a while, and finally you let it all out. You go through the motions of wondering if you can ever confide in or rely on anyone again. You become insecure about your ability to judge people correctly. How did you not see that this was coming? Were there signs to indicate the inevitable? Are you a fool not to have known that this would happen? WHY YOU?

I have only been betrayed once in my life, an I know that I'll get over it, I will never trust that person again. It's in my nature to let things go and move on, but it's not in my nature to forget. I am a very trusting person (almost too much, so is what one of my closest girlfriends keeps telling me), but you can break that faith in an instant. If you do, it'll take a lifetime to build it up again (and that's no guarantee either).

The truth is I didn't see it coming and there were no signs. Was I fool to it allthough? Perhaps, but even if I were to turn back time, there is no way I could have inferred this one. If your undeniable conviction is to entrust your life with a particular person, then the last thing you expect is for them to be disloyal to you. Now, I don't mean a person letting you down. We all do that to some extent - arrive late for a rendezvous, forget a birthday, fail to call back, etc. These we can get past because everyone has his/her own issues going on in life, which means we can't expect to be put first. However, when it comes to people doing things which they know will hurt you, things they can easily stop themselves from doing, well, that's betrayal.

human decency

There's no law saying that we can't betray another. It's not a criminal or civil offence which can be taken to court. However, it's human decency to regard the feelings of someone you claim to love. In this day and age, we just want what we want and we want it now. We don't think about the consequences because we really don't care what they are, as long as we are happy at this instant. It's a selfish attitude which our generation has adopted, and it's quite sad, really. We all have to live in this world together and if we show reverence to others, especially those close to us, they will return the gesture.

Why me then? No reason in particular, I'm sure. I have led a fairly good and honest life, but I suppose that at some point in all our years we will come across capricious people who have no consideration for what might sting our hearts. I guess that the positive which comes out of duplicity is that you learn who your true friends are. It is probably better if it happens sooner rather than later. The thought of investing another 10 or 20 years in a friendship and then being let down is far worse.

So, can we forgive family, a lover or a friend if they insult us with so little esteem? Are we actually able to forget that destruction has taken place between us and another human being? A kind heart will help to eventually not let itbother you, but it might not bring you any closer to understanding why there has been such a cunning occurrence.

You can't forget without forgiving, but it is possible to forgive and not forget!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com