Glenda Simms

Over the last ten days the posse that usually congregates on the veranda of the One-Stop-Shop in the village has been very busy in the fields.

The long drought was broken and two earth-drenching showers of rain were sufficient to get every woman, man and child engaged in planting red peas, gungo peas, tomatoes, sweet peppers and other staples such as yams, corn, cassava and sweet potatoes.

Miss Mattie and Maas George cleaned up the flower gardens and sprinkled the seeds that they had saved up.

Hottie-Hottie was obviously elated at this time. She had saved up some money and hired the 'toothless wonder' who controlled the domino table. This young man would be working for her for three days. This situation caused Maas George to whisper to Miss Mattie, "It appears as if Hottie enjoys having a man as her hired hand."

Miss Mattie is always intrigued by Maas George's analysis of gender relations. He obviously thinks that when women hire men to assist with their farming activities, a fundamental law of nature is being broken. She is quite sure that if the 'toothless wonder' was the employer and Hottie the employee, Maas George would not find any reason to comment.

Ideologically irrelevant

Miss Mattie knows instinctively that Maas George is of the generation who cannot understand that God did not design women to be subservient, dependent or bowing and scrapping to their 'betters' (class, ethnicity or gender). She suspects that men of Maas George's vintage cannot and need not change because they have become ideologically irrelevant to Hottie and her crew.

Of course, the young people still love all the elders in the district and are committed to making them as comfortable and as happy as they can be in their lived circumstances.

While Miss Mattie was thinking about these gendered and age-specific ideas, she found it necessary to order her favourite shot of white rum on the rocks and as she straightened her spine to give directions on the community beautification plans, Hottie raised her hands and declared that she would like to put an issue on the table.

"Go right ahead," shouted Maas George with a mischievous twinkle in his blood shot eyes.

"Well!" exclaimed Hottie, "if 'St. Bess' was a woman I would have to recommend a balmyard bath for her because she would be a very 'salt' woman."

"Now why would you say such a thing about our beloved parish?" queried Miss Mattie.

Hottie lifted her bodily frame to its five feet six inches stature, flicked the blonde bang from her forehead and articulated in her best 'Sunday' voice the framework in which she has defined 'St. Bess' as "salt". She pointed out the following:

A brand new fire truck chose 'St. Bess' as the parish in which to fall apart and put stress on the Fire Department.

A 'St. Bess' woman allegedly gave her twelve year old daughter to a thirty year old tough back man in exchange for land.

A 'St. Bess' woman involved in an ongoing conflict with her next door neighbour dropped dead when the police went to her door in response to a complaint from the neighbour.

A number of the young men in the community have no money at this time because their bags of ganja were intercepted in a certain community. Also children, middle-aged women and senior citizens are being raped, murdered and robbed on a regular basis."

At the end of this litany of woes, Hottie lowered her voice and said "Lord have mercy on poor 'St. Bess'."

Maas George piped in at that moment and informed everyone that Hottie was just being her usual 'drama queen' self. He argued that those events are a reflection of the dog-hearted atrocities that are taking place in the entire country. As far as he is concerned, Hottie needs to listen to the talk show hosts to get a sense of the real world.

Miss Mattie decided to put an end to this senseless debate, especially when Maas George recommended the talk shows as the seminal source of good sense. Miss Mattie knows that Maas George listensto only one such show.

Senseless debate

In her usual reasoned and traditional manner, Miss Mattie encouraged the veranda posse to focus on the positives and thank God for his or her mercies - the rains have come, the seedlings are sprouting, the young men have taken time out from the domino table to watch cricket, lovely cricket and the young girls have Hottie as a role model of determination, hard work and independence, in spite of her blonde wig. Miss Mattie also reminded everyone to remember that Daren Powell, who is a member of the West Indies Cricket Team which is competing in the 2007 World Cup, was born and raised in the district.

"Right on," screamed Maas George. "Darren is from among us and he is a fine young man, very respectful and very caring."

Hottie agreed wholeheartedly with Maas George. She also pointed out that Darren still visits the posse at the One-Stop-Shop whenever he comes home. He obviously is firmly rooted in the blood red soil of these mountain ridges.

The 'toothless wonder' was about to deliver another 'six love' at the domino table, but before he slammed his palm, he shouted, "A good bwoy dat."

Miss Mattie concluded, "There is still much that is good in St. Bess. We just need to root out the evil that is growing in our midst in a systematic way."

"Amen!" said Maas George.

Glenda P. Simms is a gender expert and consultant.