Wait till yu father come!

For some reason, children react more quickly to the discipline of dad, and so mothers have turned to this parent as the family disciplinarian. But, has this made father into a monster?

Clinical psychologist based at the University Hospital of the West Indies, Dr. Kai Morgan, states, "As a mother myself, I can say that regardless of my determination for our children to see us as equal disciplinarians, this dynamic has still persisted ... that is, the children still respond more quickly/readily to Daddy's recriminations/scolding."

The reason, she posits, is that children also respond to both non-verbal and verbal cues regarding sternness. "Daddy's voice is deeper, carries more and his stature is usually larger than Mommy's."

Society also sends messages regarding the authority and power of males, and all these things contribute to the willingness of children to respond more rapidly to the males rather than the females around them.

The mother, Dr. Morgan notes, usually spends more time with the children and so they become more familiar with her and thus less responsive.

However, the psychologist states, the mother perpetuates it and emphasises a sense of lack of control (and sends the message of ineffectiveness to her children) when she continues to say "Wait till yu father come!"

Has Mom turned Dad into a monster?

Dr. Morgan responds, "It is not my perception that it makes 'monsters' of fathers, but it certainly increases the respect for them as disciplinarians and authority figures, while the mother diminishes hers."

Counselling psychologist Indi Mclymont-Lafayette states that, traditionally, the man has been seen as the father figure and disciplinarian in the home, and this has changed only somewhat.

The assigned role of the man as disciplinarian, she states, should not be viewed as ineffectiveness on the part of mother, but as one which provides a balance in the disciplinary structure for the child.

"Discipline has traditionally been assigned along gender roles in the family but it does not necessarily mean that a woman can't discipline and that a man cant be the nurturer, etc."

What happens when mother is the single parent? She said many single parent mothers have successfully raised their children, so it can be done.

According to Dr. Kai Morgan, discipline remains male-focused because "Despite the largely matriarchal society that we live in, the system is still patriarchal in its orientation. Men hold most of the power/authority positions, and this is also a clear message to children about who should 'wear the pants', thereby again perpetuating that Daddy is to be respected more.

She states that in most Jamaican families, both parents tend to be disciplinarians and there doesn't seem to be a gender bias/role where this is concerned.

She notes, however, "In single parent homes, the single parent is the sole disciplinarian extended families are often more common (grandma, aunty, cousin may also be in the home) and these individuals also serve as caregivers and hence disciplinarians too."

In single families, Mommy doesn't have the luxury of saying "Wait till yuh father come", and she does what she can to discipline her child. She does what she can but struggles with control as she is managing multiple roles (mother, father, breadwinner, etc...) all by herself - (and, often) one of these roles is going to get sacrificed.

"This is why familial support (for single moms) is critical," she states.

The psychologists agree that in a two-partner home, both parents should agree on the rules of discipline and work to enforce them, then father will not be seen as a monster.

- Outlook Team