Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson

Dear Counsellor:

I was married 20 years ago and it feels like a lifetime. Nowadays, I find that there is no romance and our behaviour is ritualistic. I would like to know how to rejuvenate my marriage.

- Rose

Dear Rose:

Marriage is a commitment and a challenge. There are several phases and lots of challenges along the way.

I believe that married couples need mentors to guide and direct their path. Guidance is needed because an outsider may see issues that the couple cannot unravel. Those who have been married are in a good position to give an opinion on certain issues.

Couples seek counselling to help them deal with different issues in the marriage cycle. Oftentimes, the couple is too close to the situation to make an informed decision.

The commitment to each other should be life-long with a will to overcome obstacles along the way. Of greatest importance is a commitment to God by the couple to do His will and not to depend on their own understanding. If each partner practises spirituality, their mutual needs will be met.

In your marriage, there needs to be a renewal of vows, energy and enthusiasm, and also a recommitment to each other. Both partners need to sit down together and decide on how things will be in the marriage. Marriage is work - hard work - and each partner should have a goal and a purpose.

You both need to plan activities and spend time together getting to know the new person that each has become. In life, changes take place as we age and people take on new personalities to fit the times. The person you married has changed over the years andyou need to get to know this individual. Change is inevitable.

There are a variety of activities that partners can share in, whether at church or organisations, through volunteerism, as well as in sports or community events.

Plan dates to go to a restaurant or a trip through the countryside. Cook a special dinner for two, light candles and savour the moment.

My son is hyperactive

Dear Counsellor:

My son is hyperactive and cannot sit still long enough in his classroom to do his schoolwork. His school performance is suffering and I am at my wits' end.

- Kirsten

Dear Kirsten:

Hyperactivity is a common condition and does affect academic performance. Some children have difficulty sitting for a protracted period of time and are inattentive and easily distracted. Some children have difficulty focusing and do not pay attention.

There are many causes of hyperactivity and your son needs to be evaluated to determine the cause. One of the most common causes of hyperactivity is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). ADHD is a condition in which the brain is affected and the child has difficulty keeping quiet and paying attention. ADHD is very common and is a cause of disruptive behaviour. It commonly coexists with a learning disorder and these children need specialised learning strategies.

Keep an eye

Children with hyperactivity need to be placed near the teacher's desk, away from the windows, doors and passageways. The teacher has to keep an eye on the child and when he becomes disruptive, the teacher has to give him some activity to occupy his time creatively. Sometimes, the teacher has to send the child from the classroom for a five minute break. The workload has to be reduced to small quantities per class period to work with the attention span of the child. Increasing the attention span is a goal of the teacher.

There are several treatments for ADHD. There is medication, behaviour training and specialised teaching. The different modes of treatment work together to give optimum outcome. Some parents are afraid of giving their children medication and prefer the other modalities of treatment.

You should take your son to be evaluated and discuss with the therapist the various options available. Children who have visual or hearing problems can become hyperactive and so we need to have eyes and ears checked. Also, these children often perform poorly at school and thus early assessment and intervention are key.

Contact Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at 978-8602 or 791-1778; or email yvonniebd@hotmail.com.