KELLY

There are a group of persons who will be reaping a few extra dollars after this election is over and I don't mean the politicians themselves.

With this general election potentially going to be a close one, there are many predictions as to how the seats will go. A few stalwarts on both sides might lose the very seats they've held for a while (I mean the NDM is in there but we're not sure how much impact they are going to make, so that's why I'm just limiting this to the two main ones). Furthermore, there is the potential that some of the 'safe seats' for the respective parties might change hands (or should I say colour)? So without further ado, here are the winners.

The Medical Fraternity: Not because of increased funding from the winning party. Hell no. But when the 'upsets' do occur, that can only mean a few nervous breakdowns, a couple of heart attacks and a number of folks cascading into the depths of depression. All that is going to result in a few trips to the emergency room, chats with the psychologists and sessions with counsellors to help them get over it.

Funeral Homes: No, not because of election violence but because not everyone who gets the heart attack is going to survive it. I can guarantee somebody will kick the bucket when the final results are read. And speaking of the Grim Reaper, some people might commit suicide when they see how the polls end. If they were anything like a grand uncle of mine who said if his party put a dog to run he would vote for it, then that party losing would definitely crush him. Some people take this thing waaaay too seriously and so the parlours will have some orders to fill.

But perhaps the biggest winners of all (drum roll please).

Alcohol Sellers: Jamaicans love a good drink or two (or three) and so bars and bartenders will have some extra business especially on election night. They're already making a killing from the road shows (I mean motorcades). On election night, there will be one set celebrating triumph, the other set drowning their sorrows and a third group who would have been drinking themselves silly regardless. Any way you take it, liquor must sell off! Just hope they can see properly to go home, otherwise the parlours might have more business than I originally configured.

So, despite all the shouting, bangarang and overall tumult that is marking the run-up, take heart that those who will be elected aren't the only ones who will be benefiting from this whole thing.