Ivret Williams

Dear Counsellor:

I have been in a relationship for the past six months and I really like my girlfriend. The problem is that I find that I cannot get my old girlfriend out of my thoughts. What should I do?

- Garfield

Dear Garfield:

When you are thinking about the other person, what are the thoughts? Do you find yourself comparing the new person with the old? Do you feel that you lost something good? What happened in the other relationship? Who ended it, and was it an amicable separation? If not, did you enter this new relationship to forget the other person?

Some persons enter a new relationship still feeling attracted to a former lover. So you say that you like your girlfriend very much, how you behave in the new relationship will be informed by what you bring from the past.

Garfield, take time out and sort out your head and your heart. You may be thinking about this person a lot because you may be regretting the loss, a losswhich may have been due in part to mistakes on your part. It would be sad to end up in a relationship that is not making you happy because you are thinking about someone else.

Still waiting for thatspecial one to come

Dear Counsellor:

I am 38 years old and I thought I would have been married by now, with a family. This is not something that I have shared with anyone, but sometimes it makes me feel depressed.

I have a good job, but to be honest with you, I feel lonely. I guess right now I am feeling depressed because my younger sister will be getting married shortly an I am happy for her, I really feel down. Any suggestions?

- Sophia

Dear Sophia:

You mention that you thought you would have already been married with a family of your own. Do you fear that this may not come to pass? What is your greatest need right now?

If your greatest need is to be married, then all your activities will be covertly or overtly driven by that need and that may turn prospective persons away. Sophia, relax and enjoy your life to the fullest. Sometimes it is when you have stopped looking that cupid comes visiting. For now, be happy for your sister.

Wife not being nice to relatives

Dear Counsellor:

I am having a problem with my wife of eight months. Whenever my family comes to visit, she makes life uncomfortable for them.

My family is aware and some of them have decided not to come back to my house. This makes me sad because I belong to a close-knit family. Your advice, please.

- Kirk

Dear Kirk:

There are several questions that come to mind. Do they just 'drop in' any time they please without calling beforehand? When they come, how do they treat your spouse? Do they make her feel like an outsider? Her behaviour may be in response to their treatment of her.

The flip side is that your spouse might have been attracted to you because you had what she never had, a close-knit family. Unfortunately, having joined the family, she may not be able to deal with the closenessand it has become repulsive to her. I would advise that you both see a counsellor to help you to sort this out.

Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Email letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com.