Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor
You are living in a crazy, fast-paced society and more and more you are becoming hurried in everything we do, including your love life. The pace at which you go tempts you to put everything on a 'to-do' list and work through the items one by one if time permits. However, psychologists suggest that you should not use this approach in your marriage or relationship. This sets up a simple, co-worker type relationship with your spouse instead of one of the heart.
You wonder then, how do you keep love alive and flourishing when the housework is to be done, the children need attention for personal care as well as help with their homework, plus meeting the deadlines at work? A useful approach is to rely on kindness, patience, and small, loving gestures interspersed throughout your love life. You should stop waiting for life to slow down, for the perfect moment, or for vacation to come around.
There are strategies you can use to keep your relationship blooming while you travel in the fast lane.
Resist multitasking
The buzzword today is to multitask, especially for women. However, this practice can jeopardise your relationship. While you might be tempted to be doing the laundry, flipping through the bills and trying to talk to your spouse at the same time, give your spouse your undivided attention - even if it is only for five minutes. Your partner likes full attention and this makes him/her feel more satisfied.
Always pay compliments
How often do you find yourself nagging your spouse about all of the things that are not quite up to par? How often do you really feel good about yourself after one of those episodes? It is better to compliment the characteristics that you admire in your partner. When you compliment your partner, it makes him/her feel good and behave more positively towards you.
Be affectionate
Small and steady displays of affection are often more realistic than grand gestures. As you juggle the many activities, you may not find time every day for grand lovemaking, but you can always find a few moments for a hug, a kiss, holding hands, any kind of physical contact. Physical affection is important and is always cherished!
Prioritise your relationship
As part of planning your busy schedule, block out at least 15 to 20 minutes when you will spend undisturbed time together. Establish a routine of 'couple time' and your kids will learn to respect it - and generally feel more secure as they see you connecting on a daily basis. During your quality time, communicate with each other in a very deep way to make your spiritual connection deeper.
Keep dating
At least once a month plan a night out. If it is difficult to get out, plan a late dinner for the two of you after the kids are in bed. Romance is a state of mind and should not depend on a location so there is no reason for not planning romantic opportunities.
Nurture each other
Gestures can be short and sweet and strengthen your relationship. Here are ten ideas: (www.oneloveworld.com)
1. Make coffee, tea or a fruit plate before your spouse gets up.
2. Mail a loving card or note to your spouse's office.
3. Look up to say 'hello' when your partner gets home.
4. Leave a loving phone message during the day.
5. Send positive emails of encouragement, love, a funny thought, or a quotation.
6. Do an errand that your spouse hates to do.
7. Leave a love note in a pocket, car, or any unexpected location.
8. Remember days or events that are important to your spouse.
9. Say 'I love you' on a regular basis.
10. Make your partner laugh in whatever way you know best.
As you hurry through life in the fast lane remember that life is short. You do not want to wait for the day that may never come to show your partner how much you care. Memories do not leave like people do!
