Melville Cooke, Contributor

In Jamaica, 'Mother', 'Mama' and 'Mummy' ('Mums' for short) are similar terms of address, yet with the subtle and not so subtle variations in context that make a world of a difference.

So, 'Mother', 'Mama' and 'Mummy' can be very similar in that they are used by a child to address a parent, though the first two are on different sides of the class chasm between the Queen's English and the Jamaican version, with the last a nice balance between Jacks Hill and Tower Hill.

They differ, though, where 'Mama' is a link up the generation chain as a term for grandma, and where 'Mummy' (or 'Mums') is used by younger men towards older women. Or, horror of horrors, by long-married men in reference to their wives.

And it is the 'Mums' about which we shall 'mum'ble today and, hopefully, for some men mum shall no longer be the word.

Prized youth

Still, just as how last week I recounted my reaction at being forced into the status of 'Daddy' last week, it must be a surprise to a woman when she is referred to as 'Mummy' for the first time. More than a surprise, because youth is so much more prized for women than men. After all, Chakademus deejayed "young gal business control Jamaica/gal a rule man whe drive Benz an' Jaguar" to very good effect in the late 1980s. Twenty years later it is the same, just add Hummer and Prado to the sleek, firm, undented, superb suspension rides of choice for the women who are the sleek, firm, undented, superb suspension rides of choice for many men.

If the lyric had been "Mummy business control Jamaica" I seriously doubt if it would have been a dancehall hit.

It seems to me that women move from having no name at all for men who wish their attention (pssst!) to 'baby', 'darling', 'beautiful', 'browning' and other such mass labelling of sleek thighs, firm buns and waistlines that go in rather than out to, finally, this 'Mums' in a very short time. Except for the very few, striking physical female beauty has a very short shelf life, say 18 to 27 or 28. After that is a nebulous period up of either dignified acceptance or gross attempts at staving off time to about 35 and then 'Mums'.

Financial liaisons

I am convinced, though, that this habit of men creating Mummys out of women who did not give birth to them reflects a deep desire to be cosseted and cosied, including a return to breasts that are more pillows than arrowheads. And from the experiences of a few women who have found themselves placed in the 'Mummy' bracket, there is often also the expectation of a financially beneficial liaison.

A Mummy by nature is expected to deliver milk; a Mums by homeliness is expected to wet nurse a young man. And damn, are their beaks open, from the gentlemen who do the bagging at the supermarkets to the car wash guys to youngsters fresh out of school looking for a subject to really sweat over.

But I find the use of 'Mums' by married men and others in stable, long-term relationships to be a bit sad. It is, I guess, the ultimate in homeliness, to grow older with your partner, but when she becomes your 'Mums' where is the passion, the gleam in the eye, the pinch on the bottom at unexpected moments, no matter how tightly packed it is into a 'bell foot' underwear?

And even sadder is older men's neglect or rejection of their 'Mums', who have been with them since the days of 'psst!', in favour of a 'beautiful' or 'sweetheart', who often gladly takes the older woman's place without considering that her mummification is close at hand.

Mel Cooke is a freelance writer. Responses welcome at thursdaycolumns@yahoo.com.