Dear Counsellor:

I was recently held up at work by a gunman and since then I have been having nightmares and insomnia. I keep reliving the episode and I get tearful at times.

- Carol

Dear Carol:

You have had a very traumatic experience and in the immediate period you seem to have developed acute stress disorder. This usually leads to post-traumatic stress disorder. Being held up at gunpoint is most disastrous as you have looked death in the face. You need to see a psychiatrist to help you deal with this traumatic event.

Some events that occur in our lives can be very distressing and they leave us fragile and helpless. You need to be thankful that you are alive without physical disabilities.

Dear Counsellor:

I have been married for more than 20 years and my children have gone to college. I find that I have plenty of time on my hands. Do you have any suggestions as to what I could be doing?

- Angela

Dear Angela:

We as humans go through stages in our lives. You are at the stage of the 'empty nest syndrome'. Your children are away from home and you find yourself with spare time. If you are working, you may find that the work can occupy your time.

However, it may be time to take up a hobby. Gardening is good as you can grow exotic plants for sale or show and your garden may take on a new look. Gardening is an activity you can share with your husband, and it will provide content for your conversations. Gardening to some people is a money-earning activity, while others raise prize flowers for display at flower shows.

Volunteerism in your community or church can fill a need. Choose an activity to which you can contribute and see how it can fit into your schedule. Most activities involve fund-raising and event planning, so you may find an outlet for your administrative skills.

Creating a relationship

When children leave home, parents have to now create a new relationship with their grown children. Your children will be returning home at times and you can communicate via letters, telephone or email. Keep in touch with them to find out how they are coping and how they are dealing with the challenges. Going to college is full of challenges as the student has to learn better time management and organisation skills. The student has to learn to schedule time for schoolwork, entertainment, chores and sleep.

Care package

Students look forward to hearing from home and receiving the care packages as well as the money. A visit now and then would be good as well as sending recent photographs from home. Prepare an album and send to your children as they will feel closer to home. Ask them to send recent pictures of themselves. Some students get homesick and depressed because they have moved away from home. This depression respond to treatment and the student is able to do well.