Elaine Oxamendi Vicet, Contributor

Over the last few weeks, there has been a lot of talk about love, falling in love and how to know when one is in love. Well, here it is - straight from this 'horse's mouth'; there is no rule book, no direct course of action to follow, no reading of the signs, no prescription - it is really all about how you feel.

The numerous workshops on intimacy and the books that are written are not designed to provide us with a magic wand but to help to prevent women from getting out of our own way. Yes! We need help. That is the first part of the secret to finding Mr. Right. Many of us, have Mr. Right, right in front of us and we allow our independent, intellectual, control freak self to get in the way and in plain Jamaican parlance - "run di man!"

We end up being our own worst enemy. Let us not forget that sometimes we are not unaided in our efforts to overkill, overwater, show too much concern or, quite frankly, not enough. We get help from our girlfriends who, in most instances, are single, not in stable full-time relationships or are married too long without any passion or fire. So they don't encourage us to ignite the fire - just in case they lose a friend and someone to bemoan and denigrate with.

start reading

Women, we need to get it! Read the books, Men are form Mars, Women are from Venus or Women Who Love Too Much for a start, these helpful books point us in the direction of getting ourselves out of the way and in with Mr. Right, and to stay in with Mr. Right.

So, many of you may still be asking: 'How do I identify him?' Because it sounds too simple, the men out there are no good, they don't know how to treat women. But frankly, whose fault is that? Who puts up with the bullcrap in the name of love or children or, God forbid, society. Who ... who ... who? Be honest - YOU!

So, what is the real secret? When your heart beats and the stomach churns - that's not love; that is infatuation! That is a hormonal and chemical response t anxiety and a desire of what is to happen.

Here is my story, and I hope it helps. I met a man almost eight years ago in late January, at the turn of the century and 10 weeks later, we were married. We are still married with ups and down but we are soulmates. The marriage, of course, was amid laughter from my sister, curious comments from friends, naysayers who said it is too soon and, of course, the malicious - "she pregnant." None of them true. But I felt it, in my very being, my soul spoke to me, he was the one - not the one I wanted him to be - he was simply the one. There is a difference!

prayed

Of course, I had prayed for a husband some seven years earlier, no kidding, but God had to prepare me for him and him for me. More on the secrets: We have to trust, have faith and obey.

If it feels right and you, deep inside without any suasion, realise that this is it - right or wrong; you are probably right, not wrong! As my mother, Miss Ruby, used to say, love has nothing to do with "when the echoemous start to stand up and the pongomoses start to beat." Go figure!

Email: ariadna_enchanted@yahoo.com