Latoya Campbell, Outlook Youth Writer

You send a wink in the direction of the attractive female at one of the local hang-out spots. She smiles and, in no time, you realise she's making her way over to you. After a few drinks and a wholesome conversation you call it a night and go home. No phone numbers were exchanged; no future plans were made for a reunion. You have a girlfriend and you're quite content.

Flirting is natural; it applies to everyone, even to those in committed relationships. It is a healthy way for two people to interact and it happens without you even realising. However, the level of flirting with other persons intensifies sometimes and it starts to 'cross the line', moving from a harmless playful act to one that can complicate the relationship.

Outlook Youth decided to engage a few teens in a round table discussion on the matter. Adrian, Kim, Tamika and Paul stirred up some trouble in our 'chill room' and expressed their views on flirting and what they deemed as 'crossing the line'.

Flirting 101

A: What's flirting anyway? I think a lot of people don't know because they claim that they just don't flirt!

T: Flirting is pretty much any gesture that you make towards someone of the opposite sex which shows that you're interested in being in their company. It's not usually taken seriously though, depending on how you express yourself.

P: It could be a wave with a 'special' smile or a playful hit on the shoulder.

Behind the scenes

T: I agree! My boyfriend doesn't enjoy going to clubs but doesn't mind if I go without him. I dance and flirt a little but I know that I'm not taking it any further.

A: Well, flirting with some random person who you'll never see again isn't as bad as flirting with your classmate who you see on a daily basis.

K: Hold on, do you dance and flirt with the guys when your boyfriend decides to tag along?

T: Well ... it depends.

K: (Quite sceptical) Ha, sounds like you wouldn't. What kind of message are you sending? I think you cross the line of flirting when you do something that you definitely wouldn't do if your boo was around. Shows you don't respect him that much.

P: Chill out, she didn't even answer you. In any case, if the relationship is a strong one, then one partner shouldn't have a problem with that.

T: A little occasional flirting never killed anyone. I'm just trying to be playful and get a little attention from someone other than my man for a change. Doing it on a regular basis is another matter though.

Know your boundaries

T: Well, it's obvious that everyone has a different view of what harmless flirting entails. You just have to let your partner know your limits and come to a mutual agreement.

K: Amen to that. I know I've crossed the line if my boyfriend tells me that he is uncomfortable or if I notice behavioural changes, especially when I flirt with someone while he's with me.

P: Point taken; you also have to ensure that you're not sending mixed signals. If you do, you end up leading that person on and jeopardising your real relationship. I almost did that, luckily my girlfriend clued me in before it was too late.

T: Here's a thought, you know you've crossed the line when you feel guilty!

A: Yea, that's true, given that you have a conscience ...

The group had much more to say; unfortunately, we had to wrap things up. All agreed, though, that flirting doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Once it's done in proper taste and each partner is respected and comfortable with each other's flirting habits.

Question for the week

Most times when you flirt, are you really sincere, or do you just enjoy 'playing around'?

F M

I'm sincere

7 5

It's just a game to me

8 12

Flirt ... I don't do that

10 8

For the most interesting teen issues and styles, get your copy of Youthlink magazine on news-stands on Tuesday.