Angela Philipps, Contributor

With Christmas around the corner, I started thinking about how important religion is when it comes to having a romantic relationship. If one half of a couple is devout in his or her worship, can the love last if the other is leading a hedonistic and materialistic life? Is this issue something which can be ignored? What about certain times of year when religious 'holidays' (for want of a better word) are imminent? If you're not in unison on your beliefs, will this cause major problems?

This month has become particularly commercialised - Santa Claus has replaced Jesus Christ; Rudolph and the other reindeer have replaced the three wise men; stocking presents have replaced gold, frankincense and myrrh. OK, perhaps that's a slight exaggeration. For some people, God and Santa can coexist.

However, what if the most important thing for you to do on Christmas Day is to go to church and then spend the day helping those in need, but your partner is more concerned with opening gifts under the Christmas tree and gorging on roast turkey and ham? And what if you don't believe Jesus to be the Messiah at all, but your lover most certainly does?

Blasting time together

Five years ago I dated a man who practised Islam. He was born and bred in Pakistan, but had lived in the Western world for most of his life. A hard-working banker, who went on ski trips, dined in fancy restaurants and played 'English' sports, you'd never see him touch a drop of alcohol. To boot, he prayed to Allah several times every day and followed the strict rules of Ramadan (fasting and such like).

I, on the other hand, am Christian. I pray when I remember, I attend church for weddings, christenings and funerals, and fasting or giving up something during Lent is not on my agenda. However, the two of us had a blast hanging out together and we just got along very well. Our morals were in sync and on the surface, so were our social mores.

There was just one little problem … The subject of kids came up, and it was no question as to how he wanted to bring up his … as Muslims. According to the Koran, a man of his faith can marry a woman who is monotheistic (belief in one God), as long as the offspring are raised within the Islam religion as well.

Although I have nothing against other religions, as I think we're all striving for the same thing in the end, this was a difficult slice of bread for me to swallow. How could I do a proper job in parenting when I wouldn't be following the same religious rites as my children? Surely, no matter how much we loved each other these differences would get in the way of our lives together.

Spiritual clashes?

Look at the famous Pakistani cricketer Imran Khan. He married Jemima and they had two boys. But their marriage did not last. Was this due to the fact that she could not understand or grasp his beliefs? Were there irreconcilable spiritual clashes?

I once knew this Jewish guy who wouldn't marry an Anglican girlfriend of mine because she refused to convert. The Torah stipulates that progeny are born with the mother's faith. For the kids to become Jewish, she would have had to change her entire spirituality. Well, that wasn't happening!

However, on the flip side, great family friends of ours made it work. This lady loved her man so much that she studied and learnt all about Judaism, joined their faith, and brought her family up in a very peaceful and harmonious way. Over 40 years later and they're still in wedded bliss.

I'm not saying that two people of different faiths can't make a relationship work, but I do think that you'll have a trying task ahead of you when your fundamental beliefs are not the same. If you truly care for each other and want a life together, then some serious research on both parts has to be carried out. Love conquers all, but it could be that love of your God is what does the conquering!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com