Tony Williamson

"Write the wrongs that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble. Let go of all emotions such as resentment and retaliation, which diminish you, and hold on to the emotions such as gratitude and joy, which increase you."

- Arabic proverb

John McDowell said an interesting thing. He wrote, "When I refuse to forgive, I am burning a bridge that someday I will need to pass over." The thought expressed in this quotation has given rise to the title of this article. It is enlightened self-interest when you forgive others. It is in your own interest to forgive others because you, too, cause offence and will need to be forgiven one day.

WHY FORGIVE?

In fact, the great teacher, Jesus Christ, said in the Lord's Prayer, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us." In fact, the Lord put it even more strongly on another occasion when He said, "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive [you] your trespasses." This is a very serious statement indeed and it links your forgiveness of people with God's forgiveness of you. But even if you do not believe in God, forgiveness makes sense because, as McDowell put it, you, too, will need it in life.

The bald fact of life is that none of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. Offence is caused by actions in the home, at the workplace, at play, at church, in school, in all areas of our lives. Some of the deepest hurt is caused by those we love the most, friends who betray us, loved ones who abandon us in time of need. All of this calls for forgiveness, not revenge. Today, it is you who are offended. Tomorrow, it is you who cause the offence.

Some time ago I was driving behind a car with a bumper sticker which read: 'Don't get mad. Get even'. This reminded me of the late great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s statement that said an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth will leave society blind and toothless.

Do you want to be pardoned when you commit an offence? Then you must pardon others when they offend you. Revenge is not your prerogative. Revenge is a trigger that leads to spiralling hate and sometimes violence. Whole communities have been wiped out, innocent children slain, old men and old women sent to a violent death because of revenge.

I was working as an emergency medical technician in the Kingston Public Hospital emergency ward some years ago when a pregnant woman was admitted with a knife wound to her belly. The medical team worked feverishly to save the lady and her unborn child. Regrettably, we lost the baby but managed to save the mother's life. And why was she savagely stabbed in her protruding pregnant belly? Her story was that she was riding on a bus and accidentally stepped on someone's foot. The man took this as "dissing him" and knifed the lady. His extraordinarily violent, ridiculous and tragic action came out of a conscience that had long forgotten the word 'forgive'. False pride and revenge were now the twin demons that controlled him.

FORGIVENESS KEEPS NO SCORE

Forgiveness involves reaching out to those who have offended you, Tony Williamson advises. - File

When you forgive people, you may never forget what they did to you, but you set it aside and never bring it up again. A young woman complained to her friend, "Every time my husband and I get into an argument he becomes historical." The friend interrupted, "Don't you mean hysterical?" "No, I mean historical," the lady replied, "he always brings up the past."

Forgiveness requires that you do no keep a score; that you do not constantly bring back up a wrong that was done to you. Married couples are famous for reminding each other of what he or she did 10 years ago. But this is marital suicide. Forgiveness lets the offender off the hook by never recalling the offence. Forgiveness keeps no record of wrongs.