Mark Dawes, Staff Reporter
Every Christian woman who is single ought to place herself under the authority, care and protection of a spiritual father. Such a relationship would serve to better secure her spiritual growth and, in matters of romance, it would go a far way to protect her heart.
That is the thesis of the newly published book, The Undercover Woman: A guide for single women and their spiritual fathers. The 72-page volume is written by Dr Conway and Jada Edwards.
"A woman is always to be covered and protected by authority. She is to be covered by her biological father (or a spiritual substitute) until such time as she is given away in marriage to a man who has pledged to cover and protect her. A woman who desires to be married needs to take seriously the Bible's admonition to follow God's order and line of authority through her father," wrote internationally famed Bible teacher, Dr Tony Evans in the foreword.
The book, which is published by the author's company, describes persons who are qualified to be spiritual fathers, and the attitude a woman must adopt in allowing herself to be under such care and protection.
While it articulates a biblical and theological basis for spiritual fathers, the book also offers a terse, yet graphic, glimpse into the souls of four women who describe the difference spiritual covering made in their lives.
The Undercover Woman is an elaboration of the idea of spiritual covering that was contained in the authors previous book - What to do when love's in view - which sought to offer counsel on matters of courtship and dating. (See http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20070127/lead/lead5.html)
Dr Conway Edwards is the son of well-known Jamaican child evangelist and host of LOVE-TV's Vantage Point, Clyde 'Uncle Clyde' Edwards, and his wife Barbara.
Dr Edwards holds two master's degrees. He has a Master of Theology and a Master of Business Administration (MBA). His doctorate is in strategic leadership. He is formerly the singles pastor at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, where he served under the leadership of senior pastor, and well-known author and television preacher, Dr Tony Evans. Since January he and his wife have been pioneering a new church in the Dallas area.
singles ministry
At Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, Dr Edwards and his wife gave leadership to the singles ministry. Jada Edwards, holds an MBA and is a much sought after Bible teacher for women, singles, and youth. She serves with her husband in the National Centre for Christian Leadership (Jamaica).
Dr. Conway and Jada Edwards, authors of the book The Undercover Woman: A guide for single women and their spiritual fathers.- Contributed
The Edwardses argue that it was always God's design that single men and women should remain under the covering of their parents until marriage. Where biological parents were not able to function as covering for children, God allowed substitutes, the authors noted.
To illustrate, the authors cited the biblical story of Esther who was an orphan and whose uncle, Mordecai, became her father substitute. The Edwardses make the point that 'orphan' in the Bible was synonymous with 'fatherless'. They then claim, "We need mothers in order to survive, but it's our fathers who define our generations, our families, and us as individuals. When we don't have them, we are vulnerable."
The book continues, "The Greek word for family is patria and is derived from the root pater, which means 'Father'. Understanding how critical the father is in defining the family will make us more aware of the seriousness of this dilemma of fatherlessness and prepare us to move toward a solution. Again, we do not seek to point out the inferiority or insignificance of mothers (single or married) but simply to establish the biblical definition of a family."
But who exactly is a spiritual father?
According to the couple, "A spiritual father is a man, preferably married, who occupies the position of spiritual guide and authority in a person's life in the place of - or in addition to - a godly, involved biological father. He is the person who provides wise counsel through his words and sets the example for godliness with his life. In an ideal world, a spiritual father and a biological father are the same. But we live in a world far from the ideal. A spiritual father may be a relative, counsellor, friend, or minister. He doesn't necessarily need to be older than those for whom he provides guidance."
While acknowledging that everyone needs to have a spiritual father, the authors stress women need such godly men in their lives particularly in matters having to do with relationships.
The role of a spiritual father, the book stated, is to "help his spiritual daughter find her identity, encourage her toward intimacy with Christ, challenge her toward integrity, and help her discover God's intention for her life."
The book offers principles and guidelines that should characterise the relationship between the spiritual father/daughter. The spiritual father, the authors said, "should never hold any information from his spouse and should never promise his daughter confidentiality that excludes his spouse." In fact, they stressed the importance of the wife being involved in the spiritual father/daughter relationship from the beginning. Furthermore, the wife should be intentionally involved in the father/daughter relationship from time to time. Their advice is simply, "Keep the doors of communication wide open, and invite your covering's wife to be a part of as many discussions as she would like."
Ideally, the spiritual father/daughter relationship should be in place before a daughter embarks on a dating relationship. For, they argue, if the dating begins before there is in place a strong spiritual father/daughter relationship, there will probably be a closer bond between her and the potential mate than between the spiritual father and daughter. This can hinder a healthy relationship between father and daughter. Furthermore, it is likely that at this stage the father will be fighting an uphill battle for stronger spiritual influence on her vis-à-vis the man she is dating.
When dating begins, the spiritual father should meet with the man to clarify and state the values that ought to characterise the courtship and also to express his own expectations concerning the treatment his daughter will receive.
A spiritual father, the book said, "does his best to protect what he values most (his spiritual daughter) and he tries his best to prepare her to become an awesome gift for the right man. A spiritual father is not called to overprotect and control every action and interaction of his spiritual daughter, but he does set an example for potential suitors of how to value and care for a woman. Spiritual fathers protect their daughters, reinforce their value and worth in God's eyes, and help guide them to become God's leading ladies."
After the daughter is married, the spiritual father's role diminishes. His meetings with her, thereafter, continue but he takes on the role of relationship coach, mentor, and sage. The meetings will be less frequent. However, the spiritual father will also be available to guide both daughter and her husband.
The relationship between father and daughter never really ends, the authors said. The time commitment between father and daughter is reduced. This is in recognition that the daughter is now primarily under the spiritual covering of her husband.
As with any man/woman relationship, things can go wrong. The writers list some warning signs for both father and daughter to help them discern when their relationship is moving in the wrong direction.
The book closes with a list of answers to frequently asked questions in the realm of spiritual father/daughter relationships as well as useful appendices and a bibliography.
Send feedback on Mind&Spirit at mark.dawes@gleanerjm.com
a covering?
factors
to consider in assessing a candidate for the position of spiritual father.
Is he married?
"Is his marriage one which you admire. Does this man lead his own household well?".
Is he wise?
"There is no greater trait for a godly man to possess than wisdom. A wise man brings all (his) life under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and tries to live it well according to God's precepts and guidelines."
Is he objective?
"The ability to view life and its experiences with minimal bias is a major asset'. Objectivity will help ensure personal biases and agendas are minimised in the process."
Does he understand people?
"Understanding people, their differences, unique attributes, and personality types is of paramount importance to maintaining healthy relationships. A man who understands people will be able to model the selfless and sacrificial love of Phillipians 2."
Does he love unconditionally?
"A good father is one who tries to love unconditionally. This is something he should practice in all of his relationships. Does he love even when must correct someone?"
Is he self-aware?
"Awareness is the ability to see oneself accurately, the humility to accept one's strengths and weaknesses, and the responsibility to do something about it. The more aware a person is, the more he can identify someone else's awareness levels."
Does he pursue authentic manhood?
" Every man has five roles: (1) to give direction, (2) to teach, (3) to be a guardian, (4) to cultivate and connect, and (5) to lead. If your covering is in pursuit of these qualities, then he is a good candidate. Remember it takes an authentic man to identify one."
Does he invest in the lives of others?
"Investing in someone else's life should be a natural desire for your covering. Whether he is investing in his own children or in other men through discipleship or mentoring, this is a good indication that this is a principle he strongly believes in and not simply a 'project'."
Editor's NOTE:
Conway and Jada Edwards may be reached at info@conwayandjadaedwards.com Their book is available at the offices of the National Centre for Christian Leadership, Suite 4, 11 Ardenne Road, Kingston 10, (876) 946-3571.
